tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36487997287438490302024-03-21T06:18:27.776-07:00Living in ParadiseReading, Writing, and Real Estate in St. Petersburg, Florida!Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.comBlogger216125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-14836969341273630422023-08-23T06:50:00.000-07:002023-08-23T06:50:51.020-07:00Liked It; Didn’t Love It: Querying your novel as a real estate agentMy buyer took a final look around the million-dollar condo. “I like it, but I don’t love it,” he shrugged. “At least, not enough to pay a million dollars for it.”
I like it, but I don’t love it. Where had I heard those words before? Oh, yes. Attached to every book I’d ever written. <div><br /></div><div>For seven years, I was lucky enough to have a literary agent. In writing workshops and classes, when I mentioned that I was represented, the instructors treated me differently. “Getting an agent is harder than getting published,” they’d say. “You’re almost there.” </div><div><bp><br /></bp></div><div><bp>
Spoiler alert: I was not almost there. And this spring, after four books that had gone “on sub,” three of them multiple times, my agent gave up on me. Now I was back in the query trenches, which, according to other aspiring writers on Twitter, were tougher than they’d ever been.
I’m thickening my skin and bracing myself for a lot of bad news. And I’m hoping that my years of work as a real estate agent has given me some perspective into the process. </bp></div><div><bp><br /></bp></div><div><bp>Like my buyer who “liked it, but didn’t love it,” literary agents and publishers aren’t just looking for a good book without any obvious flaws. They’re looking for a home that they’ll love for years.
I want my book to be that home. But I know they have so many options, and there are so many more writers out there than publishers. </bp></div><div><bp><br /></bp></div><div><bp>Here are a few more ways that real estate and publishing overlap: </bp></div><div><bp><br /></bp></div><div><bp> <b>Buyers take forever.</b> When I first got into real estate, my broker warned me that the average buyer takes between 12-18 months to find their home. At the time, this seemed ridiculous to me—I hadn’t taken nearly as long to find the houses I ended up buying—but as time went on, I found it to be true. Buyers start off excited and energetic, but as the search goes on, they lose enthusiasm and the desire to look. And then things change in their lives, or in the market, and time passes and sometimes your buyer decides to leave town completely or use a different agent, and a year has gone by and you have nothing to show for it.
I still have books out that my agent sent last year. The editors greeted her pitch email with, “Sounds fabulous! I’ll read it right away!” Then… crickets. Some editors never get back to you. Some agents don’t, either. </bp></div><div><bp><br /></bp></div><div><bp> <b>Editors sometimes have really picky reasons to reject a book.</b> Many times I’ve gotten “pass” emails praising character, setting, plot, theme. But they didn’t like the ending, or they found a minor character unbelievable. I could fix this! The same way a paint color in the kitchen could be changed, or a bathroom could be updated. But publishers want something they love, and so do buyers, and you can’t talk someone into falling in love with a book or a house. Either they’ll fall in love and are willing to work with you to fix the problems, or they only like it, and they move on to the next book or the next house or the next woman in their dating app. </bp></div><div><bp><br /></bp></div><div><bp> <b>The pitch is sometimes better than the product</b>. As real estate agents, we pretty up a house with staging and terrific photos. As writers, we hire editors to pretty up our prose and help us write query letters and synopses. But putting a gloss on something that doesn’t work only postpones the inevitable. Buyers will see that your lovely photos hide a too-small kitchen or that your polished first 20 pages hide an episodic plot. </bp></div><div><bp><br /></bp></div><div><bp> <b>The process is similar for both</b>. You list the house; you send out your queries. You get a buyer who wants to see the house; you get an agent who wants the first 20 pages! You show the property and send off your pages, filled with hope and excitement. For the writer, disappointment often follows. For the agent… well, that’s where things get a little different. </bp></div><div><bp><br /></bp></div><div><bp> The big difference between the real estate agent and the writer is that eventually the house will sell. You might have to lower the price by a little or a lot, you may have to replace a roof or an AC unit, but someone will buy that house. Especially these days, when, despite decades-high interest rates, we’re still about a million homes short of what the population needs.
There are no such guarantees in publishing. In fact, it’s more likely that one outstanding book will attract several agents and sell at auction, while ninety percent of submissions fail to find a single buyer. There are many more books out there than there are agents to rep them or traditional publishers to distribute them. The only guarantee writers have is our belief in ourselves and the commitment to keep writing no matter what. Maybe this book won’t sell, but the next one will! </bp></div><div><bp><br /></bp></div><div><bp>Keep writing, writing fam. And I’ll keep looking for new agents to query, and new condos for that picky (but wealthy!) buyer of mine. </bp></div><div><bp><br /></bp></div><div><bp>And if you need a realtor in Pinellas County, Florida, hit me up.
</bp></div>Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-83073942073775375492023-06-13T07:58:00.002-07:002023-06-13T07:58:50.214-07:00What Realtors Can Learn from Selling Sunset And what Selling Sunset can learn from Realtors<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_Dwkew5b3Z-QWCHTDllDwcXH61E20V0FFZKfYDbwbW0hR3DiwuYORK8tbxz30BXrCzX3IhPbGE6-LgomdtqnntyrKPXMhFKx4NSzubpiQBYfX9yNBbOhodu0_jgUKmqRZ9sIainDobxmxCufys9Q-bMJP8DetE3PuTDEmP-ewzSIaNgCVzDg8-3-Mjw/s1423/SScast.jpg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; "><img alt="" border="0" width="600" data-original-height="750" data-original-width="1423" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_Dwkew5b3Z-QWCHTDllDwcXH61E20V0FFZKfYDbwbW0hR3DiwuYORK8tbxz30BXrCzX3IhPbGE6-LgomdtqnntyrKPXMhFKx4NSzubpiQBYfX9yNBbOhodu0_jgUKmqRZ9sIainDobxmxCufys9Q-bMJP8DetE3PuTDEmP-ewzSIaNgCVzDg8-3-Mjw/s600/SScast.jpg"/></a></div> The clothes! The catfights! The C-list celebrities! There are so many reasons to watching <i>Selling Sunset</i>! As a Realtor, I don’t think I’m alone for watching for the houses. What’s it like to list a property for $30 million? What’s it like to have a buyer with that budget? Most Realtors can only dream. And because this industry pays on commission, most of us won’t earn in a year what the Selling Sunset gals make for one deal. Sadly, there’s no correlation between the amount of commission and the amount of work necessary to close the deal. Personally, I’ve had homes selling for under $200K that have been a nightmare and helped buyers with million-dollar condos that took under five hours of total work. I tell myself it all balances out in the end. Eventually. <br>
,=<br>Even though the personal drama seems to dominate <i>Sunset</i>, there are still lessons to be gleaned from these real estate fashionistas. When Jason sat down his team and warned them that the high interest rates had put a damper on the top end of the market, he echoed what my own broker had been saying. Here are some moments from this season that rang true to me… as well as moments when I wanted to give those agents some advice!<br>
<br>*<b>“In real estate, you can’t sit around and wait for the phone to ring.”</b> – Chrishelle. <div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLoNrwyMfPM2H1YRWmONogfikJAd32Q_FSBTpzTnjWCRHxFBZ3gBbPqFNfNgAfwoZrQ-qxiJawtFRQ7esPqgIF4zHQEMbzKip7BxSTD1iRq6PMyuXMD745RqAh17wGcGLYe6qgvNOz3IoRFFhpLkQvqaAVfyPzWoNI9OdZrA1ZDMnSdR8Yz0a3ZAZs2A/s498/Chrishellealonecropped.jpg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; clear: left; float: left;"><img alt="" border="0" width="320" data-original-height="425" data-original-width="498" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLoNrwyMfPM2H1YRWmONogfikJAd32Q_FSBTpzTnjWCRHxFBZ3gBbPqFNfNgAfwoZrQ-qxiJawtFRQ7esPqgIF4zHQEMbzKip7BxSTD1iRq6PMyuXMD745RqAh17wGcGLYe6qgvNOz3IoRFFhpLkQvqaAVfyPzWoNI9OdZrA1ZDMnSdR8Yz0a3ZAZs2A/s320/Chrishellealonecropped.jpg"/></a></div> This is so true. Although most agents don’t have a TV show to help with their exposure, we’re all encouraged to continuously reach out via text, phone calls, videos, etc. For the most successful agents, trying to drum up new business is a fulltime endeavor. Those of us who do sit back and wait for the phone to ring are often the last people sellers actually call.<br>
<br><b>“My deal fell out of escrow. Turns out the fire insurance was $200 thousand dollars.”</b> – Emma. Are you surprised that someone willing to pay $20 million for a house doesn’t want to pay $200,000 a year for insurance? So was Emma. But she shouldn’t have been. While we don’t have to worry about fire insurance in Florida, flood insurance is a big deal, especially for one-story properties right on the water. Savvy Realtors put up insurance quotes on the MLS with their other disclosures so there are no surprises after the house has gone under contract. I’m sure Emma will know this next time!<br>
<br><b>“The penthouse isn’t worth that price. You and Jason are too personally invested in the project to see that.”</b> – Chrishelle. More words of wisdom from the series main character, who has learned to stand on her own two feet as a woman and a Realtor during the series. Being too personally invested is enough of a problem that real estate agents sometimes ask their colleagues to represent them instead of selling their own homes to avoid making costly errors. Selling and buying a home is an emotional process, overlaid with memories and relationships. Jason, Mary, and Romain worked so hard on this penthouse, it’s easy to see how they may have lost perspective on its true value. Guess we’ll have to wait till next season to find out!<br>
<br><b>“Our sellers are canceling the listing because Jason didn’t go the showings.”</b> – Emma. Maybe this is the same house that didn’t sell because of the fire insurance. Not sure. While Emma is dead right that agents need to fulfill the promises they make to their clients, blaming the broker for not attending the showings is silly. Houses aren’t rejected; price points are rejected. When a house sits on the market, the seller and agent need to either reduce the price or make changes so the home’s value equals the sales price. No one’s going to reject a house they love because the broker wasn’t at the showing.<br> <div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjii5q8KrdMJjwBtF9707AApByyRlTtqKWgbvMkVbUIGjnQE1TrP-x3YvErUMdhQLi0gbUVcNY626Saa53awix5abQP1KdKLuK6Mu93szNlNX9kQcTt0AbyEQZz-uw03ZDbkHGTwVFZq_re3anJqeo_wGq3_XirRQMddLKWKIgmkn0EnxPrwemph2HR0Q/s307/Emmacropped.jpg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; clear: right; float: right;"><img alt="" border="0" height="200" data-original-height="307" data-original-width="305" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjii5q8KrdMJjwBtF9707AApByyRlTtqKWgbvMkVbUIGjnQE1TrP-x3YvErUMdhQLi0gbUVcNY626Saa53awix5abQP1KdKLuK6Mu93szNlNX9kQcTt0AbyEQZz-uw03ZDbkHGTwVFZq_re3anJqeo_wGq3_XirRQMddLKWKIgmkn0EnxPrwemph2HR0Q/s200/Emmacropped.jpg"/></a></div>
<br><b>“You texted my client and offered to show him listings!”</b> – Bre. In an earlier meeting, Bre said she never asked clients to sign buyers agreements, saying that her clients were friends and she trusted them. Then she shows a house to a client, who tells her that Emma texted him, offering to show him properties! While I have no doubt that this show is heavily edited and conversations don’t portray exactly what happened, Bre’s dilemma is not uncommon. In Florida, a buyer’s agreement has no legal heft—no one is obligated to use a certain agent for a sale, even if said agent spent a year showing the client properties and writing up offers. Still, poaching is considered such bad form that I prefer not to speak to friends while they are buying or selling homes with other agents in order to avoid “tampering.” (Also because it’s seriously annoying when friends choose to work with other agents, then call me to complain about what their agent is doing wrong.) Did Emma really try to poach, or did the producers edit Bre’s conversation with her client to make Emma’s text sound worse than it was? I don’t know. Last season Emma had a client who told her that Christine had offered her $5000 to use her instead of Emma, which was such a weak bribe it seemed almost unbelievable. The lesson: Only work with people you trust. <br>
<br><b><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga3EvCbMut4qvdGKqbL-8lICEWg2bxzWc8QYfIuyHjigXtXRp841J1ciXcIzu_ZHK8seJbI9DmazRmN80I2SbE7yzsBm6ldBPN5ficGL-a5akJrGARruCDHtU4W1eXE0JpRlNAh6mrXAlcV2oL3x2rS9mZhUIIS4rhd23mRTxbR0oIEFoGbTlqiW1trA/s702/Nicolealonecropped.jpg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; clear: left; float: left;"><img alt="" border="0" height="200" data-original-height="702" data-original-width="693" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga3EvCbMut4qvdGKqbL-8lICEWg2bxzWc8QYfIuyHjigXtXRp841J1ciXcIzu_ZHK8seJbI9DmazRmN80I2SbE7yzsBm6ldBPN5ficGL-a5akJrGARruCDHtU4W1eXE0JpRlNAh6mrXAlcV2oL3x2rS9mZhUIIS4rhd23mRTxbR0oIEFoGbTlqiW1trA/s200/Nicolealonecropped.jpg"/></a></div>“Jason put you on my listing, and then you didn’t do anything!”</b> – Nicole. Nicole seems to be taking the villain spot vacated by Christine. Or maybe she and Chelsea are sharing it, I don’t know. This entire storyline confused me, because as Chrishelle pointed out, the sale in question happened three years ago and she and Nicole had been friendly since. And Nicole’s beef should have been with Jason. More broadly, this issue of Jason putting agents on listings is a problem I don’t have, and I don’t know any other agents who do. Maybe it’s a California thing, but here in Florida, agents get their own listings. Still, agents sometimes split listings with other agents who who might not do their fair share of the work. It happens, it sucks; you learn your lesson and move on. Chrishelle said she had referred clients to Nicole, so it seemed like she had paid her back in any case. To me, this just seemed like more manufactured drama to make Nicole look bad and Mary seem like an ineffective manager. The lesson here, again: Only work with people you trust. If you make a mistake, chalk it up to bad luck and remember that things even out in the end. One day you might be the agent not pulling her own weight but getting a check at the end of the day. <br>
<br> <i>Selling Sunset</i> may be a guilty pleasure, but the show also reinforces important lessons for agents. As a realtor, I may not have billionaire clients, a camera crew or a size 0 body, but I can do everything possible to sell my listings and get my buyers ready for the biggest purchase of their lives.
But if anyone knows a billionaire looking to buy in Pinellas County, Florida, please send her my way! <br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMTblHwujWpYyXgqh7HlEOuKYa-taVMS41Aui6ZLVo44g_71G9XqXgXiGUDhbCZqTfmEL1QP-APoVZip_mdEA_p1Z0uRTombIY36zrtYxEB1KEwSBr9tF_AZP6_EMG_0LGNhEzUjIMJM2yXjjqtz9PeQenYIGN9iB4e76cUKXbAg98WiokKtXvLbwLsg/s1080/Jamisign.jpg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; clear: right; float: right;"><img alt="" border="0" height="400" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="810" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMTblHwujWpYyXgqh7HlEOuKYa-taVMS41Aui6ZLVo44g_71G9XqXgXiGUDhbCZqTfmEL1QP-APoVZip_mdEA_p1Z0uRTombIY36zrtYxEB1KEwSBr9tF_AZP6_EMG_0LGNhEzUjIMJM2yXjjqtz9PeQenYIGN9iB4e76cUKXbAg98WiokKtXvLbwLsg/s400/Jamisign.jpg"/></a></div>
<br>*quotes aren't exact, but I tried! Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-62278481444542156922023-05-09T05:37:00.001-07:002023-05-09T05:37:47.481-07:00Things We Should Know But Are Clueless AboutIt’s time for another blog hop with my favorite blogging friends! This week’s theme is: Things We Should Know But Are Clueless About… Enjoy!<BR>
<BR>When I was a kid, I thought there would be some magical age when I would know everything. When I was 12, that age was 16. When I was 16, that age was 21. When I was 21, that age was 30. When I was 30, I realized it was never going to happen.<BR>
<BR>I’m 55 now, and while the list of things I don’t know has grown shorter, there are some things on that list that I’m never going to master. Things like:<BR>
<BR>-- How to walk in high heels. I’m 5’6 (alright, maybe 5’5 now), so heels were never a must. I think I bought my first pair in college? They are so painful, and I don’t like being in pain. I read recently that they are designed to be painful and women are just supposed to put up with it. That sounds monstrous to me. I wear sandals or boots. Nothing with a heel. And my feet are good!<BR>
<BR>-- How to parallel park. I know I did this a few times in my life, because it was on the driving test I passed in 1985. And I got my license (after two tries) so I definitely knew how to do this at one point. Nowadays I have a few strategies for dealing with this troublesome parking requirement:<BR>
<BR>o Make my husband drive<BR>
<BR>o Make my friend drive<BR>
<BR>o Take a Lyft<BR>
<BR>o Park out of the way on a curb that has no cars nearby<BR>
<BR>o Pull in at the end spot<BR>
<BR>o Stay home! There’s good stuff on TV! Why go out?<BR>
<BR>-- How to Slack or whatever it is that people with real jobs are using to communicate with each other these days. It’s like a text message for the whole company? Or a private Twitter? Who invented that? And why? (I do know how to use fun real estate tools like Dotloop and Moxi though!)<BR>
<BR>-- How to boat, jet-ski, or operate any other kind of watercraft. I live in Florida, one block from Tampa Bay. But I don’t like crashing and/or possibly drowning, so I’m pretty much a landlubber. I will get on a boat if someone else is driving it, but I have yet to be coaxed onto the back of a jet ski.<BR>
<BR>-- How to cook a turkey, steak, ham, or other big-meal type dish. I can make pasta but that’s about it. Luckily I married a man who can cook and for the past few years we have hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas at our house. I gladly do the dishes!<BR>
<BR>I’m so interested in <a href="https://writtenbydeb.blogspot.com">see what Deb has failed to master in her years on the planet</a>… I’ll be checking here for her blog post tomorrow, and you should, too!
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-57718493258728548112022-08-16T12:46:00.003-07:002022-08-16T12:46:57.837-07:00Your friend is a Realtor. Should your friend be your Realtor?Recently, two separate advice columnists I follow both had letters dealing with hurt feelings after friends and family members chose another real estate agent. The first letter writer was upset that her friend, a Realtor, was giving her the cold shoulder after she chose to list her house with someone else. The second writer was angry that his family members were not using his stepson for their real estate needs. In both cases, the columnists brushed off the concerns, asserting that no one should be forced to use a certain real estate agent, even if they were a friend or family member. <br>
<br>Of course no one should ever feel forced to use a certain agent, but these columnists are not real estate agents, and I am. I’ve been an agent for eight years and have closed many complex deals and handled some ridiculous situations. And still, the most difficult part of being an agent is getting new clients. Real estate is an industry where 90 percent of the business goes to 10 percent of agents. Breaking in is very hard; staying in is really tough, and making a living from real estate is almost impossible. <br>
<br>So when friends choose to work with someone else—a stranger who is part of that 10 percent—it hurts. <br>
<br>And yet, the purchase and/or sale of a house represents the biggest financial transaction in most people’s lives. It’s no wonder that many people would want to cast the widest possible net in order to get the most savvy representative in town. And even if the best real estate agent happens to be your next door neighbor, sometimes it’s hard to see a friend as the professional advisor who can get you the best deal and smoothest transaction. At the same time, who’s better than a good friend to hold your hand during one of the most stressful life changes that people go through? A friend whom you can trust to have your best interests at heart, not her next paycheck? <br>
<br>Here's how to determine if your friend is the right person to hire… and what to do if she’s not. <br>
<br>Hire her if:<br>
<br> She’s been in the business for a little while. She’s got a few deals under her belt; some of them complicated. She’s told you stories… they’re unbelievable! … but she got her clients through the hard part. <br>
<br> She has her license at a well-known brokerage that provides her with plenty of support. No realtor has all the answers when things get weird, but a realtor at a large company will have brokers, lawyers, and other folks on hand to help you out if things get sticky. If she’s been in real estate for a decade or so, she might have all the support she needs from a smaller brokerage.<br>
<br> She’s consistent, punctual, and rarely cancels plans… unless it’s due to a client emergency! Real estate is not only about taking pretty pictures of houses. It’s about meeting deadlines and knowing every word of the contract. If she’s reliable in her personal life, chances are she’ll be reliable when representing you. <br>
<br> She always has her phone close at hand… and she’s up-to-date on the latest social apps. Sure, this is annoying when you’re out to brunch and she keeps getting texts… but in real estate, when things turn on a dime, you want a realtor who’s always available. And those social apps are going to help you sell your house and find your next one!<br>
<br>And if your friend doesn’t meet these criteria? What if she’s brand-new to real estate, has another job that leaves her little time to show houses, or just isn’t reliable? There are still ways to support her and her real estate career without putting your financial future in her hands.<br>:
<br> Ask her to team up with another Realtor in her brokerage. Inexperienced Realtors do this all the time. This way, she gets the credit for your sale, and you get the assurance that an experienced Realtor will be overseeing the entire transaction. <br>
<br> See if she can refer you to another Realtor. If your friend doesn’t live in the town where you wish to buy or sell, this is an easy solution that will allow her to remain updated about your transaction and receive a fee from the referral. <br>
<br> Split the transaction. If you feel comfortable having her list your property but not as a buyer’s agent, explain your reasons why and let her do half. Or give her a chance to prove herself on the listing before committing to the buyer’s side. <br>
<br> Offer the home as a For Sale By Owner, and let your friend handle any unagented buyers that come along. You can save some money and help her grow her business at the same time.<br>
<br>No matter how you handle the situation, please don’t ask your friend for a discount for her services. If she’s helping you as a buyer, her commission is set by the seller. And if you’re listing the property with her, remember that cut-rate services won’t help attract buyers. <br>
<br>Buying a home, selling your home, or both can be some of the most stressful times of a person’s life. Why not hire a good friend to help you through it? But if you determine your friend isn’t the right person for the job, be honest and let her know why. It might be that the wrong person for your Realtor isn’t the right person to be your friend, either.
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-46077771189758840212022-02-03T13:03:00.001-08:002022-02-03T13:03:52.114-08:00Ten Real Estate Myths (and Realities) in a Seller’s MarketIt’s a market like no other! A severe housing shortage, coupled with an unprecedented migration to Work From Home, has created a sellers’ market like never before. In some regions of the country, including Tampa/St. Pete/Clearwater Florida, home prices shot up by twenty percent over the year, and are projected to do so into 2022! So what does that mean for folks who are planning to buy, sell, or both this year? Are the conventional wisdoms about real estate still true? Or do new rules apply?<BR>
<BR>Here are 10 common myths about real estate that might not be true in a sellers’ market… and what the facts are!<BR>
<BR>• <i>In this market, you’re crazy to hire a real estate agent! Everything sells! Just stick a sign out there and save yourself the commission!</i> It’s true that no one likes to pay a percentage of the sales price when it seems that selling a house is so easy. But if the goal is to sell for the highest price possible, hiring a real estate agent, even in this market, is the way to go. Owners who sell their homes themselves often take the first offer that comes their way, not having the tools or knowledge to market the house in the best way possible. They also might not be familiar with what the contract does or does not expect of them as far as repairs and other issues are concerned. Staging a home, holding open houses, creating excitement about a new listing all help support a high selling price. And when the home is under contract, the real work of keeping the deal together begins, and many “FSBOs” (For Sale By Owners) are unfamiliar with that process. In this sellers’ market, to get the best possible deal and have the smoothest transaction, it’s worth it to invest in an experienced real estate agent. <BR>
<BR> <i>In this market, why should sellers pay to get an inspection beforehand? It will sell anyway!</i> For most sellers, the goal isn’t just to sell the property. It’s to sell as quickly as possible, for the highest possible price, with the quickest possible closing date and the smoothest overall process. Yes, paying for an inspection beforehand—a fee generally incurred by the buyer—will cost the sellers a few to several hundred dollars. And the inspection may uncover issues that the seller will then need to fix. But this kind of preventative maintenance allows the seller to offer a worry-free home. Including an inspection report—along with receipts for any necessary repair work—assures the buyer that no surprises will pop up during the inspection period. This peace-of-mind will result in multiple higher offers and may even encourage buyers to drop the inspection period entirely. To many sellers, that may be worth the extra money.<BR>
<BR> <i>In this market, there’s no point in staging an empty house—it’ll sell anyway!</i> Again, this is another area where investing a little money will result in a bigger payoff. Staging a vacant house used to be reserved only for homes that had unique spaces that made furniture placement and design difficult for the average buyer to imagine. Now experienced real estate agents have realized that adding furniture, art, and other touches to make a house a home creates a picture that results in a higher sales price. Empty spaces prompt buyers to note what’s missing and other problems. And, ironically, rooms without furniture seem smaller than the same room with furnishings. Beautiful design harnesses buyer emotions and allows them to project their own lives into the space. They fall in love, and will act accordingly. <BR>
<BR> <i>In this market, offer buyers’ agents barely anything. Why not, they are hardly working anyway! Everything sells!</i> With so little inventory, buyers’ agents are working harder than ever. In a balanced market, when a buyer makes an offer, it’s more than likely that that buyer will end up with that property. Now, with several buyers for every home, most buyers’ agents will end up making several offers for the same client, as most buyers’ offers will get rejected. With this market, buyers’ agents often drop everything to be the first to show a home or to attend an open house when their client is out of town. They are working harder than ever to sell your house. While it’s always up to the seller how much they want to offer a buyers’ agent, these agents may draw negative conclusions about sellers who underpay buyers’ agents and advise their clients accordingly. If a seller is hoping for multiple offers over asking price, paying buyers’ agents what they are worth is a good place to start. <BR>
<BR> <i>Forget the MLS. Isn’t it best just to sell off-market? Let a few agents know you want to sell, and make a deal without ever having to formally list the property?</i> Some sellers want the easiest possible transaction, and don’t want to bother with photographers and showings and open houses. The agent who lives down the street has a friend, so why not sell it that way? For many sellers, selling their home in this way meets their needs. But other homeowners who want the highest possible price for their home will be missing out on connecting with other buyers who might offer a higher price for the property. If the goal is to achieve the highest possible sales price, listing a property on the MLS is the way to go.<BR>
<BR> <i>In this market, it’s better to wait until prices go down before buying. They have to go down eventually, right?</i> Everyone remembers the international real estate implosion of 2007. Fortunately, this event is highly unlikely to ever happen again. Real estate experts believe the U.S. is short a million housing units nationwide. And 2007 notwithstanding, housing prices in general have moved in one direction—upward. (That’s not to say that specific homes don’t lose value—they can—but the trend is up.) While inventory should get better and fewer buyers will be chasing the same homes, that will result in slower price increases, not prices decreasing. If you want to buy, and you’re in a position to buy, then now’s the time to buy. <BR>
<BR> <i>All it takes is one buyer! In this market, you can price your home as high as you want, because people are desperate and it only takes one to make that sale!</i> While it’s true that home prices have increased nationwide by about 20 percent, it’s also true that home sellers are cutting prices faster than ever. In this red-hot market, if a home doesn’t go under contract the first week it’s available, buyers wonder why. When that happens, sellers often have no choice but to start cutting the price. Even in this sellers’ market, a seller sometimes ends up getting less than they would have if they had only priced the home appropriately from the beginning. While every so often, there’s a seller who “stuck to his guns” and “held out for the price he wanted,” that’s usually a seller who didn’t have to sell. If the comps suggest you’re pricing your home too high, you may be waiting to make that sale.<BR>
<BR> <i>If you’re selling your home in this market, it’s always better to hire a real estate agent who has more experience on the listing side than the buying side</i>. When an owner decides to sell, often they contact the names of agents they’ve seen selling in the neighborhood, carefully interview many of them, and then choose. Conversely, many folks on the buying side call the first person a friend recommends. The thinking seems to be that it’s more difficult to sell a house than to buy one, so sellers choose their agents more carefully than buyers do. But in a market where nearly every home for sale receives multiple offers, isn’t the savvier person the buyers’ agent whose clients get their houses? Won’t this experience translate into receiving the best possible offers for your home? The neighborhood selling data is easily found on the MLS. In this market, buyers’ agents are working hard and positioning their clients to win. Their experience will result in the easiest possible sale for your home. And if you’re looking to buy, now’s the time to interview several agents and hire someone experienced who has won multiple bidding wars. <BR>
<BR> <i>In any market, a cash deal is always better than an offer that comes with financing. Cash is king, right?</i> Not always. If a buyer with financing offers more than the cash buyer, should you take it? Or should you go with the surer thing? The risk with financing is that a buyer might not be approved for the mortgage, or that the house might not appraise at the sales price. A savvy buyer, working with an experienced buyers’ agent, will offer terms as good as cash and an addendum that pledges to pay any difference between the appraisal and sales price. If your listing agent feels comfortable with the buyer, you could go with that higher offer, even if it comes with a mortgage. <BR>
<BR><i>And finally… </i><BR>
<BR> <i>In this market, it’s better to work directly with the listing agent than a buyer’s agent.</i> With several buyers for every home on the market, buyers’ agents are working harder than ever. If there are several homes you’re interested in, working with a buyers’ agent makes the most sense. They’re the experts on the market; they’ll do the leg work for you and help you make the deal. But if there’s one specific home you’re interested in – your dream home you’ve had your eye on for years – it may make the most sense to contact the listing agent directly. (Of course, the best tactic here is to let the home owner know you want to buy before she’s even thought of selling.) Since Florida allows a real estate agent to represent the “transaction” and not the buyers and sellers, she will make more money if she has “both sides” of the deal. In many cases, the seller will also pay less in commission. In a multiple-offer situation, you could stand out if you’re working with the listing agent yourself. <BR>
<BR>Please note these tips are specific to the state of Florida, and are intended to be general guidance and not legal advice! Writer is a real estate sales associate, not an attorney.
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-90492113040715789322021-08-04T13:13:00.000-07:002021-08-04T13:13:09.521-07:00A Buyer’s Agent in a Seller’s MarketIt’s 9am on a Saturday morning. My husband and I have plans – sleeping late, a bike ride, dinner with friends. But all that changes when my phone buzzes with a text.<BR>
<BR>“Have you seen this?” It’s Kristen*, a friend of a friend who’s hot to buy a condo near downtown… or the beach… or somewhere in between. She includes a link to a building near St. Pete Beach. “It’s perfect! Can we go see it today?” <BR>
<BR>I click on the link and read the instructions. Open house today and tomorrow. No individual showings. Offers due in Sunday night.
My husband rolls over. “No bike ride?”<BR>
<BR>“No bike ride,” I confirm. “And possibly no dinner.” <BR>
<BR>Welcome to life in a seller’s market. Real estate and housing prices are all anyone talks about. People who aren’t looking to buy or sell are wondering if they should become real estate agents. The market is so hot! Housing prices are exploding! How can you not be in this? <BR>
<BR>This is exhausting. <BR>
<BR>The National Association of Realtors defines a “balanced market” as one that offers a six-month supply of homes. I’ve been a realtor for seven years, and here in St. Petersburg in all that time, we have never reached “balanced market” status. It’s also never been quite this unbalanced. There’ve been weeks where the inventory was below a month. <BR>
<BR>Time was, you’d find a few houses for your buyer, and your buyer would find a few more on Zillow, and then you’d pick a day and go see a whole bunch. Sometimes one went under contract after you’d made the appointment, but that was unusual. You could plan ahead, take your time, negotiate with the seller to get the best price for your buyer, and best of all, have your own life.<BR>
<BR>Not anymore.<BR>
<BR>Instead, it’s scenarios like Kristen’s. With too many buyers and too few houses, everyone looking is going to jump on a half-decent property that priced somewhere between “you’ve got to be kidding me” and “that’s insane.” We can’t wait a couple of days, or, in some cases, even a few hours. As a real estate agent, your life isn’t your own anymore. It belongs to your buyer.<BR>
<BR>And even when you find that perfect property, you’re not the only one bidding on it. Not by a long shot.<BR>
<BR>I drop everything to take Kristen to see the condo, and not surprisingly, she loves it. And according to the number of people at the open house, “oohing” and “ahhhing” and measuring the windows, she’s not the only one. We aren’t even in the parking lot when she grabs my arm, tells me how much she loves it, and begs me to write an offer that will win her this place.<BR>
<BR>Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. The $500K condo is right at the top of Kristen’s price range. It’s definitely going to go for more than that, and Kristen doesn’t have a lot of room to maneuver. Even worse, Kristen is financing this purchase… and so many other buyers have cash.<BR>
<BR>We put together the best offer Kristen can handle. A $500K sales price with an escalation clause up to $525K. $10K in escrow. An inspection period of just 5 days. We can’t afford any more, and Kristen doesn’t have the money for me to write a clause guaranteeing she will make up the difference in cash if the appraisal falls short of the sales price. Still, Kristen is hopeful.<BR>
<BR>But I’m not, and when the listing agent calls me to say the seller accepted another offer, I’m not surprised. She can’t tell me the sales price, but she does mention it was cash and the buyer waived the inspection period entirely. When it closes two weeks later, the MLS reveals the condo went for $50K over asking price.<BR>
<BR>Kristen is disappointed but not undeterred. Over the next six weeks, we make offers on eight more condos. But when our eighth offer is rejected, she finally gives us, signing onto her apartment rental for another year. Her surrender means for the hours I spent taking her to showings and open houses, working with her mortgage broker, and writing up offers, I get paid absolutely nothing.<BR>
<BR>And I’m not the only one in this boat. Buyers agents are working harder than ever, often putting in multiple offers before one is accepted. And even then, sellers are feeling stingy. Housing prices may have gone up by more than fifteen percent in a year, but they don’t see why they should pay an agent for help when the house sells itself. (Note: The house may sell itself, but it sure doesn’t close on its own.) Commission rates had been steadily going down from 3 percent to 2.5 percent; now 2 percent isn’t uncommon. Some sellers are only offering flat fees of a thousand dollars or so. <BR>
<BR>On the listing side, more agents are competing for fewer houses, and some sellers are taking advantage, becoming demanding, unrealistic or greedy. Others are staying out of the market entirely, tempted by what they could get if they sold but afraid they wouldn’t be able to buy a place as nice as their current home. <BR>
<BR>And there’s always the threat of Zillow or some other e-real estate service, offering to handle everything for the seller and buyer and leaving real estate agents out of the equation entirely. Luckily, most people like having a human being they can count on to guide them through the biggest, most stressful purchase they’ll make in their lifetime. <BR>
<BR>So why stick with real estate? Most realtors I know genuinely love their jobs. There’s nothing better than helping a buyer get their first home or their dream home, especially in a challenging market like this. It’s fun to help a seller stage their property, adding the little touches that could mean a lot more money. It’s emotionally rewarding to guide them both through the anxiety and uncertainty of the entire process. And the more people we help, the better agents we become.<BR>
<BR>What goes around comes around. A few weeks after Kristen signs her lease, she introduces me to Mike, a co-worker who is being transferred out of state. His house is a bit spartan – he’s a single guy, after all – but he takes my advice on staging and repairs. Our open house gets multiple offers, and we accept one for cash that is well over asking price. We close two weeks later.<BR>
<BR>My husband and I book a vacation.<BR>
<BR>*Names and some details have been changed to protect the innocent.
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-89575806856171418252021-06-17T06:17:00.000-07:002021-06-17T06:17:14.993-07:00My Year on Pandemic*Thanks to Deb for suggesting this blog hop, and thanks to Caroline for linking me with your readers! (<a href="http://www.carolinefardig.com/news/2020-the-year-i-learned-i-really-do-want-to-be-a-writer-when-i-grow-up/">Here’s her post from yesterday</a>)<br>
<br>With this crazy year when everyone stayed home, you’d think more writing would get done, but that’s not really what happened. At least not for me. Oh, what a year…<br>
<br>It was January 1, 2020 and I was on a plane to London with my fiancé, reading newspapers and magazines. A biology professor, he showed me an article about a new virus that had infected some people in China. “Oh, that’ll never make it over to the U.S.,” I assured him. “Things like that never do.” <br>
<br>Ha ha ha. Boy was I wrong. By the second weekend in March, the country was locked up tight. (At least parts of the country were.) As I’d spent the entire winter rehearsing and performing in a community theatre, I was particularly frustrated. Steve and I had things we wanted to do, people we wanted to hang out with, and now it was just us, the dog, and the TV set. (At least the TV set was big.) I was hopeful that the whole thing would blow over in a matter of weeks, and it would definitely be done by the time our wedding rolled around in October.<br>
<br>Not so fast… <br>
<br>The state of Florida was a weird place to spend a pandemic. Even in my city, St. Petersburg, which trends “blue,” the rules were relaxed. By May, restaurants had started opening up again for outdoor seating. The beaches were closed for awhile, but then the Powers that Be realized the virus doesn’t transmit too well outside. And with a governor like Ron “DeathSantis,” a Trump wannabe, the economy came before people’s health. There was talk that he lied about the number of cases and deaths; a scientist was fired and arrested in front of her small children. <br>
<br>So places that had closed down started back up again. Not all of them, of course. Small restaurants, gyms, yoga studios… none of those places were considered essential. But real estate was considered an essential industry, and so was construction. (My second job is sales for a roofing company.) So instead of holing up at home, working exclusively online, I was still going into people’s homes, trying to sell their houses or convince them to buy a roof from my company.<br>
<br>It was stressful. <br>
<br>Some homeowners were so terrified of the virus, they had me leave material on their porch and go over it on the phone. Others were dismissive, refused to wear a mask inside, and spent most of the appointment declaring COVID a hoax. While my real estate brokerage stopped having meetings in the office, the roofing company was business as usual after a few weeks. Some people wore masks, but others did not. Some worked at home, others came in. It made getting timely information out to customers… challenging. Add the labor shortage, the lumber shortage, a shingles shortage, and then a real estate sellers’ market like no one has ever seen before… work-wise, it was a very stressful year.<br>
<br>I have to admit, when I read stories about folks who hadn’t had to leave their houses in weeks, who had binged on every streaming service there was and watched everything on Netflix, I was a little jealous. I still had to shower every day. I still had to wear nice clean clothes. I still had to leave the house to do my job. And I still gained the 10 pounds everyone else did! <br>
<br>And the virus dragged on. When we finalized most of our plans in the summer of 2020, we were optimistic that a beach wedding followed by an outdoor reception would pass the COVID test. But when fall rolled around, our out-of-town guests—and most of the people on our guest list were from out of town—couldn’t fly to Florida and return to their home states without quarantining for weeks. Luckily, our hometown friends stepped up, and my parents live in driving distance, but our wedding was much smaller than we’d originally envisioned. <br>
<br>We still have some of the specially ordered masks, though! <br>
<br>So what a year. On the plus side, I moved in with my fiancé, married him, and spent lots and lots of wonderful quality time with him, including hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas. On the minus side, I barely saw my friends. On the plus side, I continued to sell houses and roofs. On the minus side, I finished two manuscripts that my agent deemed “unsellable.” On the plus side, my son spent several weeks with us during his breaks from law school, and earned his J.D. this May. On the minus side, now he’ll have to get a real job with only two weeks of vacation and our visits will be short. <br>
<br>What will this year bring? Lots of travel to make up for the trips we missed. (Unfortunately our July trip to Italy has been postponed to 2022.) Get togethers with friends. Perhaps hosting a party or two. And more writing! <br>
<br> Now <a href="https://writtenbydeb.blogspot.com/">let’s see what Deb’s year looked like!</a> <br>
<br> *When I first started this blog, I called it “My Year on Vacation,” so this title seems apt.
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-53122306849697581152021-01-14T09:23:00.000-08:002021-01-14T09:23:05.998-08:00Mean People SuckThere are somewhere between seven and ten thousand real estate agents in Pinellas County, and like a good little Bell Curve, eighty percent of the business goes to twenty percent of the agents. With so many realtors available, most folks choose someone they already know when looking for help buying or selling a house. That makes it even more challenging when you’re trying to expand your business beyond your personal sphere. But in order to close transactions regularly enough so you can pay your bills, most of us need to move out of our comfort zone and work with complete strangers.<br>
<br>With so many other realtors in the county, I’ve discovered a hard truth: When a stranger who lives here comes to you looking for help, it’s often because she has alienated the real estate agents she already knows. Working with her is going to be a challenge, and you might not even see any money for your troubles. <br>
<br>While my biggest transaction to date came from someone I met on NextDoor (who told me her last agent was horrible—warning bells!—but turned out to be a sweetheart), here are some quick anecdotes about some of the lovely people I’ve been lucky enough to meet while trying to expand my business….<br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyJ49ANARqa2Oy8_U-rrlcLqGzQ9tLwpQ3TcZGEQ7-BcrnhCSpRw7lxiqjLcJO7aDwyIdfPW0og3-op8m7kpP3VX5cq7_deJdwTH_qkaQpRQ3TLMbD8uhiyfUs0Yxh6n9gZZ1VFADHkYs1/s612/Mean+Guy.jpg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; "><img alt="" border="0" width="320" data-original-height="370" data-original-width="612" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyJ49ANARqa2Oy8_U-rrlcLqGzQ9tLwpQ3TcZGEQ7-BcrnhCSpRw7lxiqjLcJO7aDwyIdfPW0og3-op8m7kpP3VX5cq7_deJdwTH_qkaQpRQ3TLMbD8uhiyfUs0Yxh6n9gZZ1VFADHkYs1/s320/Mean+Guy.jpg"/></a></div>
<br>--A woman DM’d me on NextDoor after I posted about real estate, wanting a listing appointment. I got back to her immediately with some questions about the property and trying to nail down a time for the appointment. An hour later she said she already had 4 appointments set up and I had been too hard to get a hold of. But I responded immediately to your first text, I thought to myself. I sent an understanding reply, saying that I’d been in other appointments but of course everyone wanted to be the first priority of the person you’re hiring. She exploded at me, accusing me of calling her a spoiled brat and telling me she was blocking my number. Now I keep a careful eye on postings on NextDoor, worried that she’ll make up a reason to attack me in public!<br>
<br>-- A woman I’d met through a referral service had me take her out several times to see properties. On our third trip, she brought her dog, saying she felt guilty leaving him home alone. I told her that since every home we were seeing had a dog on the premises, the dog would need to stay in the car. She sulked and pouted and the next day texted me that “my services were no longer needed.” <br>
<br>-- A man I’d met through that same referral service had a strict limit of $125K. He wanted a single family home in St. Petersburg. There are very few homes available in that price range, and the ones that are available are not dream homes. But all this guy did was bitch and moan at every house I showed him. Why was there rotting wood around the door? Why was this window pane cracked? Why hadn’t the homeowner fixed every little problem before putting his home on the market? When I explained the concept of the “fixer-upper” and the price range he was looking in, he got angry. After two separate showing trips, I never heard from him again.<br>
<br>-- A woman who’d emailed me through the company website, asking for help buying a For Sale By Owner. After I took her to the house and went over the timeline for an offer and sale, the owner called me a few hours later. My client had called her directly, wanting to do the deal on their own and cut me out completely. (Because I’d had the owner sign an agreement before the showing, she couldn’t do it.) When I tried to call the client, she blocked me. <br>
<br>--A woman I’d connected with through another referral service who was dying to see a property north of Clearwater. She insisted she was a cash buyer and ready to make an offer. It was a good price, so I made the appointment and drove the 40 miles to meet her. She never showed and never returned my calls or texts. <br>
<br>--A buyer who called me from the sign on my listing wanted to buy a beach house on St. Pete Beach. I showed him my listing; it wasn’t right for him but he was committed to being on the island. I did all the research he asked for, showed him other listings, analyzed the pricing of homes he was interested in. After spending hours and hours on this gentleman, he emailed me to say that my research had convinced him that “St. Pete Beach isn’t where I want to be!” I never heard from him again.<br>
<br>-- In 2014, a man emailed me wanting to sell his property. He was in Europe and the property was near Madeira Beach. I spent several hours with my broker, coming up with the pricing analysis. Did not hear back. Two years later, he emailed me again. Now he had two properties on the street and wanted to buy a third. There was one on the market! What did he want to offer? Crickets. Last month he emailed me again, wanting to sell those two properties again. Or build on it. Or whatever. I sent him the info he wanted. Again, crickets…<br>
<br>The worst story isn’t even mine. A good friend found a client through the referral system. He started bitching to her about how he was frustrated because he was in a sexless marriage and he really needed a BJ. And she didn’t fire him because she needed the work!<br>
<br>I could go on and on, not only with real estate stories, but also the jerks I deal with at my other job doing roofing sales, even as far back as when I worked the counter at McDonald’s in the 1980s. The broader issue, I think, is that people sometimes see folks who work in retail or sales as their job, and not as a person doing a job. It’s okay to treat them without respect or concern because a job isn’t human, it’s a thing.<br>
<br>These experiences serve as a reminder to me why I prefer to work with friends and direct referrals over strangers. But it also reminds me that when I’m interacting with strangers on the job—the call center worker helping me after my order was messed up; the repair person who’s the third guy to try to fix the problem—that these are real people who (usually) are just trying to do their best. <br>
<br>Usually.
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-19672915143233954172020-11-19T08:07:00.001-08:002020-11-19T08:07:47.777-08:00The Long and Painful Process of a Short SaleA ceiling that’s lying in pieces on the floor is usually a problem. Even more so when that inversion is discovered during the buyer’s final walk-through, which usually takes place just before the deal is closed. <br>
<br>Luckily, this wasn’t a typical sale, and my buyer wasn’t typical, either. It had taken literally a year for us to get to this point, and by now she knew exactly what she was getting into. She was completely unfazed by the pieces of plaster on the dining room floor, the exposed wooden slats in the ceiling above. And hey, at least the ceiling collapse hadn’t exposed any mold. Or bugs of the alive or dead variety. Or a body. <br>
<br>I’d met Meredith (not her real name) over a year ago. In response to a query on NextDoor asking for Realtor recommendations, I’d posted a list of questions and answers that home sellers could use to determine whether a Realtor was a good fit for them. Meredith had sent me a direct message, looking for someone who’d help her buy a place. She’d worked with a Realtor before, but it wasn’t a good fit.<br>
<br>Fresh out of her residency, Meredith had been approved for a physician’s loan (a program that ignores the standard debt-to-income ratio when med school loans are part of that debt) and was eager to buy a place that needed some work she could do herself. After our company sales meeting one Tuesday, I met her out in South Pasadena. The house was a time-capsule from the 1950s; even worse, its backyard neighbor was a three-story McMansion that put the entire backyard in shadow. I gave her my little speech I call “The things you can change versus the things you can’t change.” She realized the house wasn’t the right property for her, and I think I earned some trust with my feedback.<br>
<br>I continued to show her a variety of properties. Some days she wanted to look at small apartment buildings way out of her price range; other days tiny older homes in Kenwood. She brought her dog along; I told her about the great new guy I’d met a few weeks ago. “He asked me to go to London with him,” I said. “Is it crazy that I think I’m going to go?” <br>
<br>“You should go for it,” she advised. “You only live once!” <br>
<br>Right before I headed off for London, Meredith found a house she liked, an overpriced 1920s cottage in old Northeast that had been on the market for months. Before writing up the offer, I put a call into her mortgage broker to confirm the details of her approval. A few hours later, Meredith called me back, fuming. Her approval had been rescinded. The broker had made a mistake, believing she was an employee rather than a contractor. As a 1099, she wouldn’t qualify for any type of loan.<br>
<br>“If I have to,” Meredith said, “I’m going to get another job so I can buy my #$%$$ house!”<br>
<br>I went to London and got engaged. Meredith went back to work. We kept in touch. She got a fulltime job at a hospital, keeping her contractor position for extra cash. The new job put her at a much higher price point.<br>
<br>She found another house, a pink Spanish style with a separate garage and pool in the Jungle Prada neighborhood. The listing said that due to roof leaks and dated wiring, the house was uninsurable and the sellers would only accept cash. But it was a beautiful house and Meredith was in love. I knew there was no such thing as uninsurable, so I called the insurance broker I work with to start getting quotes. My thinking was if I put together an offer that had insurance as part of the package, the sellers might drop their “cash only” demand. <br>
<br>In the meantime, a second house—a nearly identical property just down the street--went on the market for nearly the same price, and its listing said that conventional loans would be accepted. Meredith and I took that to mean that the house wouldn’t need the new roofing and electrical systems that made the first house uninsurable. The new place wasn’t as pretty on the inside – older kitchen and baths, painted woodwork—but without the cost of a new roof and electrical system, Meredith could plow that money into prettying up the house. When the first house went under contract, the choice was out of our hands. Then, while Meredith was getting her mortgage pre-approval, the second one accepted an offer, too.<br>
<br>Meredith was heartbroken. I hit the MLS, trying to find a similar property somewhere in St. Pete. Her pre-approval came in; we put in a backup offer on that second house, just in case. Meredith worked day and night, saving up for her down payment. Weeks later, Jason, the listing agent on that second house, called. Their buyer might be backing out, and they liked our backup. The celebration from that phone call was all too brief—the house was now officially a short sale, and the bank had stepped in. The first deal was off, but now the property was off the market. Another heartbreak. I hit the MLS again.<br>
<br>A few weeks later, another call from Jason. The sellers had permission from the bank to sell, and could we increase our offer by a few thousand? Meredith was delighted to comply, and amazingly, we were now under contract with her dream property! A miracle!<br>
<br>Not. So. Fast. <br>
<br>“Yeah, I remember this place,” the pest inspector said as we met for the property inspection. “I was here in May, the last time it was under contract. Let me show you the termite damage.” Even worse: the property inspector found serious leaks in the roof, and cloth-wrapped wiring that would have to be replaced. I was pissed: the house had already been inspected, the listing agent should have known these things and didn’t tell us. But Meredith was undeterred and our insurance broker said the property could still be insured. The sellers extended our inspection period for two weeks so Meredith could get the work priced out and the plumbing line could be replaced. When the bids for the work went in the high five figure range, the sellers agreed to drop the price by 75K. We were back on track.<br>
<br>As Meredith continued to work with her lender—a busy woman who brushed off my phone calls with “Everything’s going great!”—we awaited the appraisal and approval from the bank that held the sellers’ mortgage. <br>
<br>“Do you have any idea why my house is listed for auction?” Meredith sent me the Zillow ad. Sure enough, her house was scheduled to go up for auction two weeks before our closing. My heart sank. Had the sellers’ bank rejected our offer, and no one had even bothered to tell us?<br>
<br>“Don’t worry,” Jason told me. “The owners are working with an attorney. We’re getting the auction canceled. We just need the appraisal to come in good.” <br>
<br>The appraisal was better than good. It was so much higher than our contracted price, I worried that the mortgage bank would reject the contract and demand more money. Jason assured me that wouldn’t happen. We were right on track and scheduled to close the day before Halloween. I packed my bags and went off to get married, thinking it was smooth sailing till this closing.<br>
<br>“Do you have a minute to talk?” Meredith called me two days after I’d gotten back from my wedding and one-day honeymoon. “Always,” I said, bracing myself for what was next.<br>
<br>What was next is that Meredith’s lender, Ms. “Everything’s going great/I don’t have time to talk to you,” had called the Friday before my wedding with the news that her loan had been rejected due to a mix-up over student loan forbearance. Luckily, she had gone back to another lender she’d spoken to a few months ago, and was on track for approval. Unfortunately, that meant the closing would be delayed by two weeks.<br>
<br>After I talked to the new lender, I called to give Jason the bad news. Considering he answered the phone with, “I was just about to call you; we are approved for October 30th!” it wasn’t a great conversation. He’d call the seller, but he warned me not to get my hopes up.<br>
<br>I was pleasantly surprised when he reported the seller would sign the extension. I was even more pleasantly surprised when he said the bank agreed to it as well, canceling the auction. But we still needed a new appraisal, insurance, and final approval from Meredith’s lender.<br>
<br>“Have you seen the weather reports?” Meredith asked.<br>
<br>It was two weeks before closing and something was brewing in the Gulf. I knew what that meant: We had to get her insurance bound before the insurance companies put a hold on writing new policies because of the hurricane. With the finish line finally in sight—and the new appraisal in (lower than the first one, but still good)—we rushed through paperwork, facilitated phone calls between the insurance company and the bank, and finally breathed free as the insurance was bound and the clear to close given just a handful of days before Tropical Storm Eta was scheduled to hit the Tampa area.<br>
<br>“I drove over to the house,” Meredith reported the Thursday after the storm. “There’s a tree down. I’ve already called the city to see if it’s on my property or if the city owns it.”<br>
<br>What more could go wrong? “Technically,” I reminded her, “it’s still their house and their tree. We could let them know and ask—”
“No,” she said. “We’ve gotten this far. I am not doing anything to mess this up now!”<br>
<br>Which is why, when we walked in the day before closing and found a quarter of the dining room ceiling on the dining room floor, that Meredith would go through with the purchase anyway. (There was also a much smaller collapse in the living room.) She’d already signed a huge contract with a construction company covering the roofs, electrical work, and all drywall and plaster work that needed to be done to clean up. This collapse was covered.<br>
<br>But first, she was getting the place tented.<br>
<br>The next day, we went to closing, and I handed her her keys. Over a year had passed since we’d met; nearly everything that could have gone wrong went wrong, and she still wound up a homeowner. That’s the beauty and frustration of being a Realtor; every deal is different, and many problems that crop up during the process aren’t necessarily foreseeable or have obvious solutions. The beauty is when enough people—a determined buyer, a creative loan officer, an experienced insurance broker—come together to make one person’s dream come true. Even when that dream includes a ceiling on the floor. <br>
<br><i>Meredith's dream house, known in the neighborhood as "The Grande Dame."</i> <div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-mcL1pZj1dPe87n2weXNtcYsBffz4qMmHYSEBXR6W6a5FuThjATZQfHWdDqtoPmAujLdXK8teazYRaElqPasDRfiXXy5t5rSP3CCJBTlCOXu57hwpMGAs9NjdWs_kKgMIoT1SKH01jgdO/s862/Grande+Dame.jpg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; "><img alt="" border="0" width="320" data-original-height="534" data-original-width="862" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-mcL1pZj1dPe87n2weXNtcYsBffz4qMmHYSEBXR6W6a5FuThjATZQfHWdDqtoPmAujLdXK8teazYRaElqPasDRfiXXy5t5rSP3CCJBTlCOXu57hwpMGAs9NjdWs_kKgMIoT1SKH01jgdO/s320/Grande+Dame.jpg"/></a></div>
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-58221412498047843082020-10-31T12:18:00.000-07:002020-10-31T12:18:12.946-07:00I’m back, bitches!I started this blog in 2012, right after my then-husband and I moved to Florida. We’d taken a year lease on a mansion on Treasure Island on the Gulf Coast, near St. Petersburg, and I was convinced that after a year we’d move back to Maryland. I called the blog “My Year on Vacation.” <br>
<br>A year later, when instead of moving back north we bought a place on St. Pete Beach, I retooled the blog as “Writer in Paradise,” (not knowing about the popular yearly conference Writers in Paradise held every January at Eckerd College) and posted mostly about writing, with an occasional foray into TV or politics.<br>
<br>I was a regular blogger for several years, trying to upload a new post every week. Then every other week. Then maybe every month.<br>
<br>Then in 2018, I abruptly got divorced. As I tried to create a new life for myself, I began frequenting those dating web sites: Match, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish. The experiences I had on those sites were so ridiculous, I re-tooled my blog as “Dating in Paradise” to recount those stories.<br>
<br>A few months of blogging later, the universe had a laugh at me when I met the best guy in the world on… you guessed it… Match. I stopped blogging and started planning my wedding.<br> <div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjJ-U6w3XXcAqsGS1WnTeF3LioZ6ebnn3SHBNF-DYY2unFQOSCbl32LHrYAzjLi9-KnqfdanQtUGhEUaQk1T4h34J24VNt6lYZLMqiW0S6IbUlyGm5Cn3EOW7z80I4s9yDCF8bhyphenhyphenNEWUVo/s2048/onthebeachrightofframe.jpg" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; "><img alt="" border="0" width="320" data-original-height="1639" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjJ-U6w3XXcAqsGS1WnTeF3LioZ6ebnn3SHBNF-DYY2unFQOSCbl32LHrYAzjLi9-KnqfdanQtUGhEUaQk1T4h34J24VNt6lYZLMqiW0S6IbUlyGm5Cn3EOW7z80I4s9yDCF8bhyphenhyphenNEWUVo/s320/onthebeachrightofframe.jpg"/></a></div>
<br>Now I’m back! <br>
<br>Happiness is a great base for new projects. I’m still writing, still reading, and still selling real estate. Now, rather than dating, my best stories come from the real estate world. I’ve been posting those stories on Facebook, and friends have encouraged me to start blogging again. How could I say no?<br>
<br> So my new blog is “Living in Paradise” with a concentration on my three Rs – reading, writing, and real estate. There will be digressions into politics and pop culture. It will be fun. Come along for the ride!
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-3798552891832488812019-11-26T07:01:00.000-08:002019-11-26T07:01:09.381-08:00Don’t Believe the Hype on Match.ComIt’s time for another fabulous blog hop put together by the tireless Deborah Nam-Krane! If you haven’t already, please check out <a href="http://fictionaryblog.blogspot.com/">Morgan’s entry</a> yesterday. Our theme this time around is…. <br />
<br />
Reality vs. the Hype! <br />
<br />
Nowhere is this more true than in the world of online dating. Before I got divorced, I wrote about books, movies, pop culture. Then life threw me a curve and suddenly I’m back out there. Since I met my ex-husband in 1989, a lot changed in the dating world while I was busy doing other things. In college, I met my boyfriends at parties, in the dorm, in classes, through friends. Even when I was married, I had some FOMO when I looked at my single friends’ profiles and watched them evaluate the available men in town. There seemed to be so many attractive guys on those sites. Surely I’d find Mr. Right right away!<br />
<br />
Then I found myself on several of these sites – Match, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish – and learned first hand… Don’t believe the hype! <br />
<br />
For instance:<br />
<br />
The hype: He’s 50 years old.<br />
The reality: He’s 64… he “accidentally” inputted the wrong date and Match won’t let you change it. (This last part is true. But there are so many of this type of accident that it’s obviously not an accident.)<br />
<br />
The hype: He lives for the water, always out on his boat.<br />
The reality: A friend let him borrow his boat once. But he’s planning on buying one for himself someday! (I really don’t want a boater but a lot of women around here are)<br />
<br />
The hype: He’s a cyclist/paddle boarder/runner<br />
The reality: He did all those things before hip and knee injuries. Now he hangs out on the couch all day.<br />
<br />
The hype: What great pictures!<br />
The reality: Too bad they’re 10 years old.<br />
<br />
The hype: He never smokes.<br />
The reality: Because his mouth is full of chewing tobacco.<br />
<br />
The hype: He has three great kids but his life doesn’t revolve around them.<br />
The reality: That’s because none of his baby mama’s will let him have anything to do with them.<br />
<br />
The hype: After a fulfilling career, he has a part-time job at a golf course to keep busy and because he loves the sport.<br />
The reality: After he retired in lieu of getting fired, he went through all his money and this gig was all he could get. Good thing he likes it because he’ll be working there till he dies.<br />
<br />
The hype: He’s a cultured guy who likes theatre, literary fiction, and classical music.<br />
The reality: Hockey and NASCAR!<br />
<br />
The hype: He’ll take care of your pet like it’s his own.<br />
The reality: Calling the SPCA when you leave the house for longer than a half hour. <br />
<br />
The hype: He’s Mr. Fixer Upper and wants to help you with your home repairs.<br />
The reality: He doesn’t fix up his own place either!<br />
<br />
The hype: Jami is going on these crazy online dates and writing blog posts so you don’t have to!<br />
The reality: Jami met a great guy on Match.com and is no longer on any of the sites! She’ll probably need to find something else to blog about! <br />
<br />
Don’t forget to tune in tomorrow for <a href="www.carolinefardig.com/blog">Caroline’s entry</a>! <br />
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-15356088877539111142019-11-12T09:03:00.000-08:002019-11-12T09:03:08.702-08:00Match Who?It was our 5th date in less than two weeks since we’d met on Match. A whirlwind, even though I said I didn’t want to get too involved too soon. We were walking on the beach just before sunset, holding hands. A more romantic setting could not be imagined.<br />
<br />
Suddenly he stopped, turned to me, and said in a very serious voice, “I have to ask you a question.”<br />
<br />
My stomach plummeted to my knees. I really liked him; he was everything I was looking for, and most importantly, there were no red flags. Still, I was serious about not wanting to get too involved too soon. I’d made that mistake before. What was he going to ask? What should I say?<br />
<br />
I nodded. <br />
<br />
“What’s your last name?” <br />
<br />
Ahh, the logistics of the Match meet-up. I wasn’t hiding anything. I told him. I even told him how to spell it.<br />
But I didn’t mention that on Match, I’d deliberately spelled my first name wrong… and he’d been spelling it wrong ever since.<br />
If things work out, he’ll learn soon enough!<br />
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-84767976621357577432019-11-07T09:41:00.002-08:002019-11-07T09:41:56.992-08:00On the internet, no one knows you’re a dogI met him on Match. He was cute, and local, and my age, and a liberal. I “liked” him. He messaged me back. We went out a few times; I was starting to like him, even though he said he didn’t like to talk because he was a “doer.” I didn’t call him on how insulting that was.<br />
<br />
Then he emailed me an invitation. His email address contained a year that, if it was his birth year, made him nine years older than he’d claimed to be on Match. When I casually asked him about it, hoping that the year was a sports milestone or something else that would keep him my age, he brushed the comment away. “Oh, yeah. I’ve been meaning to tell you about that.” <br />
<br />
It seems that most men dating online do not know how to correctly enter in their birth years. In their profile, they bashfully explain that they are actually 10 years older, or 15, but they had made a mistake and Match wouldn’t let them change it. Some are honest enough to admit they deliberately lie because the women they had been attracting were too old. Others wait until the first message or meeting.<br />
<br />
I tried to pretend it didn’t bother me. After all, he didn’t seem his age, and I probably would have hit the like button anyway. <br />
<br />
Probably.<br />
<br />
But when he called me the next day to “let me off the hook,” he blamed me. I had made him feel uncomfortable. I suppose because I called him out for lying. <br />
<br />
For the life of me, I can’t understand why people lie about facts on their profile that are so easily uncovered. Do they really think that once they reveal they’re ten years older, or only separated instead of divorced, or twice married instead of just once, that the object of their affection will look past the lie because they’re already so attached? <br />
<br />
Maybe they will. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe I should pretend to be five years younger (of course that would mean lying about my son’s age, too), a marathon runner, an experienced boater.<br />
<br />
Nah. <br />
<br />
I’d rather be alone as myself than with another person as a lie. <br />
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-19294382929499668142019-10-25T09:17:00.002-07:002019-10-25T09:17:52.158-07:00Direct from Plenty of Fish!Most messages aren't worth writing a blog about. They're either "Hi, pretty lady," or a more appropriate, "I like your profile, please check out mine." (Most of these haven't actually read my profile, otherwise they'd realize I don't want to drive 30 miles to meet someone.)<br />
<br />
And then today I got this: <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnyXFo8MMt_FvMbIGrBbyo_qy4ccF8vnKhteHAdtr0pqhN-8W0_-16fGaPVWS9smfsgJUFIqQ-Vsit58ck9UzWwpEtjGyXNmH4oMgauIwuKRq0B9V4225sLhyBXKfqNRXwRVE-A0pvJVRN/s1600/POF+message.png" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnyXFo8MMt_FvMbIGrBbyo_qy4ccF8vnKhteHAdtr0pqhN-8W0_-16fGaPVWS9smfsgJUFIqQ-Vsit58ck9UzWwpEtjGyXNmH4oMgauIwuKRq0B9V4225sLhyBXKfqNRXwRVE-A0pvJVRN/s320/POF+message.png" width="180" height="320" data-original-width="750" data-original-height="1334" /></a><br />
<br />
I'm going to be an old lady with 20 cats... Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-30240946304160368752019-10-02T06:44:00.001-07:002019-10-02T06:44:23.567-07:00It’s a Small World…My former brother-in-law and his wife have the kind of messy relationship one usually sees only on certain types of soap operas. As such, they are always on or off. Last week she called me – they are off again. And now she’s on Match. (We live in the same Florida county, BTW.) So she’s describing her latest date, and the details sound familiar, and I ask his name, and sure enough…<br />
<br />
It’s <a href="http://jamideise.blogspot.com/2019/07/someone-should-write-users-manual.html">this guy</a>! <br />
<br />
Cue the Disney soundtrack, folks!<br />
<br />
Since she doesn’t care about politics, it could be a good match except for the aforementioned messy situation with my ex-BIL. And perhaps if he’d been more upfront with me, I’d clue him in, but he wasn’t, so my loyalty lies completely with her.<br />
<br />
This situation was bound to happen sometime, and will probably happen again. My sister-in-law and I are in the same age range, and I have plenty of single female friends my age who are also dating online. We might not be looking for the same type of guy, but the guys don’t seem to be that picky.<br />
<br />
Right before the High Holy Days, I heard from not one but two Jewish doctors! Alas, they were both too far from me to make meeting worthwhile. It seemed like a cosmic joke from the universe. <br />
<br />
I went on two meet-and-greets last week – the first one was with a jerk, but the second one turned out to be a nice guy. But a really busy nice guy. I hope I’ll see him again. <br />
<br />
Today’s my birthday. Wishing for a publishing contract and a guy! <br />
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-27063327558787893392019-09-24T10:00:00.000-07:002019-09-24T10:00:19.825-07:00Cyrano, Anyone? “I think I’m pretty easy to get along with. I think it’s because I like to listen just as much as I like to talk. People find it easy to communicate with me and I think that’s a big reason why.” <br />
<br />
Match has a section for people to describe themselves “in their own words.” I have a hunch that they also provide templates to those who don’t know enough about themselves to do it, because I find the previous description crops up over and over again. <br />
<br />
Match must also give people suggestions for a bucket list, because is it really possible that so many people want to ride in hot air balloons before they die? <br />
<br />
Here’s a message I got on Plenty of Fish over the weekend: “A committed Democrat! Well now, committed is a pretty good word for it! I can overlook quite a bit for a nice smile. 😊 Especially since I really don’t like wasting my time with politics.” No, I did not respond. But I did read his profile, which earned me another message from him: “caught my favorite crazy democrat looking say hi.” <br />
<br />
It’s scary out here in dating land. Although the snarky part of me wanted to reply with, “I don’t like wasting my time with assholes,” it’s safer just to not reply at all.<br />
<br />
Speaking of Plenty of Fish, they appear to have added a new feature in which they message you with “It’s a match!” and a link to someone’s profile, which implies that you’ve already liked this person. I fell for it twice before I realized there was no way in hell I would have liked someone who dropped out of high school who lives on the other side of the bay. Thanks a lot, POF.<br />
<br />
New message! Just “H” Didn’t even take the time to completely spell out “Hi.” Wow. <br />
<br />
Why am I doing this again? The new TV season has started!<br />
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-32433117083723094582019-09-17T13:06:00.001-07:002019-09-17T13:06:34.964-07:00With Friends Like These…A few months ago, fresh off my latest break-up, I began chatting with a guy on Match. The conversation went so well online, I asked if he wanted to meet me in a half-hour at the local wine bar. There we talked for another few hours. The chemistry was great. I told him I had jumped into my last relationship much too quickly, and was determined not to do that again. He called when I got home. Since we had a few people in common, we became Facebook friends – something I never do after just a first meeting. But it seemed like we were destined for something good, if not a romance, at least a strong friendship. <br />
<br />
We went on two more dates that week, meeting up at First Friday and having dinner, and then brunch on Sunday. He went out of town for work, but texted me every morning. “Good morning.” <br />
<br />
Just good morning. I’d get these texts every day, but no plans for anything else. Then slowly I realized that all our in-person meetings had been initiated by me.<br />
<br />
When Father’s Day weekend passed without seeing him, I rationalized it as he had a visiting child in town. The texts came less frequently, but when he said he missed me, I proposed a Saturday night date. (He’d been out of town with work every week.)<br />
<br />
On Facebook, he started complaining he was sick. So I wasn’t surprised when I checked in with him Saturday morning to hear that he was too sick to go out. He was really disappointed at not seeing me, but what he had was awful and he didn’t want to risk giving it to me. <br />
<br />
No worries. I had an early dinner with a friend and then went home, thinking it was going to rain. It didn’t.<br />
<br />
I checked Facebook around ten. He had also been on Facebook – to check in to a local downtown hot spot, along with the people we had in common. <br />
It was middle school all over again. It was Marcia “something suddenly came up” Brady. My cheeks literally burned as I read this casual update, thinking about what an idiot I was. Being left out by the cool kids. Maybe they were laughing at me. <br />
<br />
I should have unfriended him right then and there. Instead, I updated my own status: “Should have gone out tonight. Everyone’s checking in to fun places.” And waited for an apology that never came.<br />
<br />
I never heard from him directly again. (He liked a few of my posts and asked me about a movie I’d checked into; I didn’t answer that.)<br />
<br />
That was three months ago. I got over it, of course, but remained disappointed that what I thought was going to be a great connection turned out to be a dud; that who I thought was a great guy was just another phony. <br />
<br />
I didn’t unfriend him. I should have. <br />
<br />
Yesterday he started posting vacation pictures with his girlfriend.<br />
<br />
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-76347058964766204772019-09-12T13:06:00.006-07:002019-09-12T13:06:57.207-07:00Is there anybody out there?This morning I woke up to four new “likes” on Match. No messages, just likes. One was from a guy I’d met at a meet-up a year ago and repeatedly rejected. The other three weren’t what I was looking for, either.<br />
<br />
The culture of on-line dating seems to be that if you get a like or a message from someone you’re not interested in, just ignore it. That’s what I do. Yet I sent a message to a guy last week who messaged me back that he had met someone, forgot to hide his profile on OKCupid, and only liked to date one woman at a time. I appreciated that. Still, I can’t imagine any guy would like to get my message, which would be something along the lines of, “I specifically said I’m looking for a Democrat around my age that lives in St. Pete. Did you even bother to read my profile, or do you honestly believe that a 65-year-old conservative who lives in New Port Richey is close enough?” <br />
<br />
It’s hard. You send a like or a message, and you never hear anything back. You don’t know if he got the message and isn’t interested, or if he got it, meant to reply, and then forgot, or just isn’t active on the site anymore. If you pay for the site, you see likes and messages; some services let people join for free but don’t let them see “likes.” Most daters will mention in their profiles whether they can see likes, but sometimes people don’t update when their subscriptions expire. <br />
<br />
If you’re paying for Match, Match will let you take a look at who’s viewed your profile. It’s a good way to see everyone who’s checked you out but didn’t find you attractive enough to like you back. A few minutes ago, one of those inappropriate likes sent me a message thanking me for checking out his profile. Obviously he didn’t realize that since I didn’t like him back, he wasn’t going to hear from me. <br />
<br />
I always check to see who’s viewed me. A lot of the guys I’ve liked aren’t on that list. Are they still on the site? Or is my Match profile picture so bad they don’t bother clicking on my profile? <br />
<br />
Is there anybody out there? <br />
<br />
Match sends its members suggested matches every day. It doesn’t bother weeding out folks you’ve already liked or messaged. That can lead to accidental stalking; repeatedly liking the same person without realizing it. Yesterday I liked a guy enough to want to send him a message. When I clicked on the message icon, my old message came up... the one he’d never replied to. Yikes. <br />
<br />
OKCupid spares its members this embarrassment. After you like or message someone, they hide their profile from you. You can erase them from your mind until you’re lucky enough to hear from them. A few weeks ago, I messaged a guy who’d liked me a year ago. Turns out I was wise to ignore him the first time around, and I’m sure he didn’t spend that year pining after me, but it gives the decision to the pursued, not the pursuer. <br />
<br />
I’ve stumbled across many profiles in which men lecture women on how they should behave online or on dates. I think this is misogynistic behavior, but I understand the impulse. My profile would be a diatribe on what not to do, if I gave into my lesser angels.<br />
<br />
But with all its drawbacks, online dating does have one obvious benefit going for it: knowing that the person on the site is interested in dating. The most interesting men I’ve met lately, I’ve met in real life. And I have no idea what their status is. <br />
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-960446580071655962019-09-03T08:02:00.004-07:002019-09-03T08:02:53.626-07:00You Can’t Always Get What You Want… but sometimes you get what you need.<br />
<br />
And sometimes you get nothing!<br />
<br />
I’m being very specific on my search. I want a guy who lives in or close to my town, who’s politically progressive and close to my age. I spell out all this and more in my profile.<br />
<br />
So yesterday I was excited when I got a “like” from a guy who fit that bill. And his profile was very well-written, which I consider a good proxy for intelligence. We texted back and forth all day. <br />
<br />
Then this morning he casually drops that he’s sick of the traffic on the way to his job, so he’s moving closer to it. So out of my city and to the nearest big city, which is a good 30 miles or so and across a major bridge. “Would you consider dating someone who lived there?”<br />
<br />
Of course not! It says in my profile that I’m dating in town and not crossing that bridge. Good luck to you.<br />
<br />
Why would someone look for matches in City A when they’re planning to move to City B? Why not just wait until the move to City B is complete, and then search there? Does logic go out the window when it comes to looking for love online?<br />
<br />
I wish he'd been as upfront as the profile I got from a guy who told the world that he was a “little person,” so his match needed to comfortable dating a midget? (His words, not mine.) Thank you for not hiding that! (Although that guy’s pictures were all of him sitting down, so if you didn’t read the profile, you might be in for a surprise.) <br />
<br />
Dating 0, Staying home and watching old Grey’s Anatomy 1. <br />
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-80907144056251687152019-08-26T10:02:00.002-07:002019-08-26T10:02:56.856-07:00Don’t Cry for Me, St. PetersburgIt’s definitely not a good sign when you end up literally crying on a date. <br />
<br />
Not all out sobbing, mind you, but teary eyes, blinking, red cheeks, etc. <br />
<br />
I had myself convinced that I was embarking on a major depressive episode and should get screened by a doctor right away.<br />
<br />
But as soon as I got home and climbed in bed with my favorite long-canceled TV drama, I felt so much better. And I realized that the reason I didn’t feel connected to this guy, whom I’d seen three times in the past week, wasn’t because I was depressed.<br />
<br />
It was because he kept pushing me for a connection I didn’t feel.<br />
<br />
Honestly, I should have gotten up and left when, a half hour into our first meeting, he tried to convince me to go back to his place for “just some light making out.” But he was cute, with amazing eyes, and we had a lot in common – books, TV shows, bands. <br />
<br />
And I hadn’t been out with someone I genuinely thought was cute in quite a while. So I tried to convince myself that it didn’t matter that he was pushing to get physical, or that he kept interrupting me (all men seem to do this), or that his track record with women and jobs was abysmal. <br />
<br />
He was cute! And he lived close by. <br />
<br />
But at dinner he tried to press me into going back to his place to drink. “I’ll get you an Uber home,” he said. And when I tried to feel some kind of connection to this guy, and ended up with nothing, I teared up. <br />
<br />
When we sat on the beach at sunset, he said, “I had pictured us kissing at this point,” all I could picture was getting the hell out of there. <br />
<br />
I told him that I needed time to heal. I apologized for thinking I was ready for a relationship when I clearly was not. When he dropped me off at my front door, he didn’t even wait to see that I was safely inside before peeling away. <br />
<br />
And slowly, I realized the truth. I am ready for a relationship. Just not with him.<br />
<br />
When the right guy comes along, I’ll be here. Until then, I’m accepting no substitutions. <br />
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-68668739139302938762019-08-19T15:17:00.001-07:002019-08-19T15:17:29.878-07:00Can it be called ghosting when there was never a body to begin with?Everyone is familiar with the term “ghosting” – you’ve been ghosted when a friend or romantic interest suddenly stops replying to texts and calls. It’s painful because there’s no reason why, never any attempt at closure… the person has just disappeared, like a ghost. <br />
<br />
That hasn’t happened to me yet. Everyone who has disappeared from my life has been very kind about explaining why they weren’t going to be in it anymore. But I have had its weird predecessor – cricketing, maybe? Named for what happens when you’re expecting a reply, but instead there’s just silence. A silence so loud you can hear crickets. You’re in the middle of a text conversation, and suddenly that person just. Stops. Answering. For no good reason.<br />
<br />
“Text” isn’t really the right word here; I don’t give out my phone number to men I haven’t met in person, so all these conversations have happened only on the dating apps. <br />
<br />
A few times, it’s happened because I’ve refused to give a man my number. We’ve liked each other on the app, exchanged some messages. Now he wants to chat; I tell him I prefer a face to face meeting rather than give my phone number to a stranger on the internet. The response: crickets. <br />
<br />
Or they are suddenly going out of town and strangely enough will not have access to the internet while they’re gone, but they will definitely get in touch as soon as they get back. Instead, you guessed it: crickets. <br />
<br />
In one case, a guy answered my standard opening message of “You seem great; please check out my profile and write back if you think we have important stuff in common” with a message thanking me for writing and complimenting my smile. I thanked him and asked a question about his neighborhood. Cricketing ensued. Perhaps he thought I was already planning to stalk him? <br />
<br />
Another time, I was the cricketer. A guy asked me what I meant by “progressive St. Pete.” I said I was a progressive looking for another progressive. I then proceeded to receive a string of messages on how I should move to L.A. Not only did he get crickets from me, I blocked him. <br />
<br />
Disappointing, yes – especially the guy I messaged first – but ultimately good that they reveal themselves early. <br />
<br />
And the guy who blew me off last week because he was sick? He’s been messaging me often, and now we plan to get together on Friday. Will he actually show up this time? Stay tuned. <br />
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-33041860336668901732019-08-12T15:03:00.000-07:002019-08-12T15:03:19.985-07:00Whose Job is it Anyway?I was a teenager in the 1980s, not the 1950s, but even then, my mother sounded like Lorraine McFly in <i>Back to the Future</i>, putting down Marty’s girlfriend Jennifer Parker for being the one to call him. (To be honest, calling him three times in the space of a few hours when they’d already been together after school is really excessive.) “I don't like her, Marty. Any girl who just calls up a boy is just asking for trouble…. I think it's terrible! Girls chasing boys. When I was your age I never chased a boy or called a boy or sat in a parked car with a boy.” (Of course later we find out that Lorraine was pretty hot to trot, or maybe it was just Marty was so irresistible, she couldn’t help herself.) <br />
<br />
My mom was the same way, warning me against chasing boys, telling me that any boy I called would see me as desperate, and opining that if a boy liked you, he’d call you, so if he hadn’t called, it meant he didn’t like you, so why bother calling him? <br />
<br />
I didn’t listen to my mother, but she had a point. The guys I went after were not as into me as the guys who went after me. Still, it was an easier time then. Men were still expected to make the first move. Women were expected to be asked. It was such a big deal for a woman to ask out a man that an entire dance was dedicated to it. <br />
<br />
Now… not so much. <br />
<br />
Of course, this is both good and bad. Women are expected to go after everything they want in life – sports, jobs, etc. Of course they should go after a man they’re interested in. At the same time, as the term “emotional labor” becomes more and more prevalent in recognition of how married women run the household, even in households of two earners, it’s interesting to note that this phenomenon is creeping into the dating scene as well. Men don’t just want wives who’ll arrange their social life, make their doctor’s appointments, sign up their kids for school and make the grocery shopping lists… they want girlfriends who’ll make the first move, plan their social lives, come up with creative dates, and keep the passion fires burning.<br />
<br />
It starts online. There’s even a dating site where women have to make the first move. Yes, it’s based on the premise that online dating can be dangerous for women, that men will harass them, and of course this is one hundred percent true. But it’s also true that many men can’t even be bothered to get someone to take a decent picture of them, to write out a profile, or to send a message that says more than “Hi.” Why have a website where only women can make the first move when so many of us are forced to anyway? <br />
<br />
It’s possible that just as many women are equally brief online. I wouldn’t know; I don’t see their profiles. But I’ve lost track of the number of profiles I’ve clicked on, wanting to know more about a man, only to be told to “ask me anything! I’m an open book!” So much easier to put the onus on the woman to ask questions, rather than taking the time to write out a profile explaining who they are and what they are looking for in a mate. And there’s the old “I’m new here; will update later” from four months ago.<br />
<br />
Last week an attractive guy “Hi!” ed. Usually I ignore these brief ones. But he was cute, so I sent back “hey there.” <br />
<br />
I heard nothing back. <br />
<br />
Men, you’re not just competing with the other lazy men on the site. You’re competing with our friends, with Netflix, with Meet-Up groups. There are so many other things we can do rather than wait for Mr. “What do you want to know about me” to put together a few sentences to describe himself. <br />
<br />
If you’re not going to put any effort into your profile, I don’t think you’ll put in any effort to meeting me. <br />
<br />
I was supposed to have a date tonight. I reached out to him; said I’d liked his profile and please check out mine and write back if he liked what he read. He said he did. We made plans for tonight. This afternoon, he begged off sick. I was, of course, understanding.<br />
<br />
I’m not expecting to hear back from him again. Oh well. It’s rainy tonight, and I’ve heard good things about that Netflix series “Typewriter.” I’ll be fine. <br />
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-3775333233404064012019-08-03T09:42:00.000-07:002019-08-03T09:42:03.443-07:00This is why you should read the entire profile The weather was bad on Friday – lots of scary thunderstorms. I’d been chatting with a guy on POF during the week (he reached out first), and we agreed to meet Friday night, but play it by ear in regards to the weather. I sent him a note Friday afternoon, went to my writers’ meeting, then came home and settled down with a good book. The storms passed around 7, and I waited to hear from him. And waited.<br />
<br />
Oh well. It was a great book. Definitely not a wasted evening.<br />
<br />
This morning my phone beeps with a message from him. I’m already done – not a big believer in giving second chances to make a first impression – but curious as to what he might say. This was it:<br />
<br />
“Sorry Hun, not political at all but I can’t stand illegal immigrants, and ur party seems to thrive on them, I’m sure simply for more votes, plzz think about the well being of the country ty MJF.” <br />
<br />
So, definitely dodged a bullet there. I thought about sending a note back saying, “Here’s a thought: Why don’t you read someone’s profile before contacting them; you can save yourself a lot of time that way,” but I realized I’d save myself even more time by not replying at all. <br />
<br />
I have two bestsellers waiting at the library for me. <br />
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-22796838287388883322019-07-30T12:25:00.001-07:002019-07-30T12:25:20.517-07:00Every day something new!Lunch meeting with a fellow writer. His opening line: So I've been unemployed about two years now... <br />
<br />
Then I come home to find a message: Opposites attract! I look forward to our discussion. He's a conservative who lives 25 miles away from me. I guess it's good to know upfront that someone's going to ignore your boundaries right away! Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3648799728743849030.post-36136999298998200242019-07-29T11:10:00.000-07:002019-07-29T11:10:14.908-07:00Someone Should Write a User’s ManualWhen I first started this game, I stumbled across a profile of a man who used his time to explain to women what was wrong with their profiles and dating habits. I actually found his points enlightening until I got to the line about “don’t post pictures in bathing suits and then say you’re not into casual sex.” <br />
<br />
Needless to say, I didn’t “like” him.<br />
<br />
But I’m reminded of this guy on a regular basis, because I’m often tempted to write out such a list myself. The number of men who are on Match, yet lack basic communication and relationship skills, is mind-boggling.<br />
<br />
Of course, if they had these skills, they wouldn’t be on Match, would they?<br />
<br />
So here’s what happened to me this weekend. I had gone on several dates with a guy who contacted me after reading my Match profile (the one that says, among other things, “I vote and date blue… it’s important to me!”). They went well; there was good conversation; he took me out to a few nice meals and picked up the check. And barely touched me.<br />
<br />
I decided it was time to reciprocate and give things a chance to blossom, so I invited him over to a home-cooked meal, warning him that I wasn’t really that great of a cook. <br />
<br />
There aren’t a lot of cute little jokes in this story. Suffice it to say, he showed up empty-handed and after dinner told me he was a Republican, due to his overriding believe in lower taxes. <br />
<br />
I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again. (Although I still showed him my favorite horror movie.)<br />
<br />
I’m not going to be writing a list on Match, but if I were, it would include “Don’t go to a woman’s house for the first time without bringing wine or flowers or something.” And don’t contact someone when you know you’re not what she’s looking for.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow, I’m going to lunch with a man who may be a complete whack-job. Stay tuned for more adventures. <br />
Jami Deisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13937920179838194743noreply@blogger.com0