Lunch meeting with a fellow writer. His opening line: So I've been unemployed about two years now...
Then I come home to find a message: Opposites attract! I look forward to our discussion. He's a conservative who lives 25 miles away from me. I guess it's good to know upfront that someone's going to ignore your boundaries right away!
Tuesday, July 30, 2019
Monday, July 29, 2019
Someone Should Write a User’s Manual
When I first started this game, I stumbled across a profile of a man who used his time to explain to women what was wrong with their profiles and dating habits. I actually found his points enlightening until I got to the line about “don’t post pictures in bathing suits and then say you’re not into casual sex.”
Needless to say, I didn’t “like” him.
But I’m reminded of this guy on a regular basis, because I’m often tempted to write out such a list myself. The number of men who are on Match, yet lack basic communication and relationship skills, is mind-boggling.
Of course, if they had these skills, they wouldn’t be on Match, would they?
So here’s what happened to me this weekend. I had gone on several dates with a guy who contacted me after reading my Match profile (the one that says, among other things, “I vote and date blue… it’s important to me!”). They went well; there was good conversation; he took me out to a few nice meals and picked up the check. And barely touched me.
I decided it was time to reciprocate and give things a chance to blossom, so I invited him over to a home-cooked meal, warning him that I wasn’t really that great of a cook.
There aren’t a lot of cute little jokes in this story. Suffice it to say, he showed up empty-handed and after dinner told me he was a Republican, due to his overriding believe in lower taxes.
I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again. (Although I still showed him my favorite horror movie.)
I’m not going to be writing a list on Match, but if I were, it would include “Don’t go to a woman’s house for the first time without bringing wine or flowers or something.” And don’t contact someone when you know you’re not what she’s looking for.
Tomorrow, I’m going to lunch with a man who may be a complete whack-job. Stay tuned for more adventures.
Needless to say, I didn’t “like” him.
But I’m reminded of this guy on a regular basis, because I’m often tempted to write out such a list myself. The number of men who are on Match, yet lack basic communication and relationship skills, is mind-boggling.
Of course, if they had these skills, they wouldn’t be on Match, would they?
So here’s what happened to me this weekend. I had gone on several dates with a guy who contacted me after reading my Match profile (the one that says, among other things, “I vote and date blue… it’s important to me!”). They went well; there was good conversation; he took me out to a few nice meals and picked up the check. And barely touched me.
I decided it was time to reciprocate and give things a chance to blossom, so I invited him over to a home-cooked meal, warning him that I wasn’t really that great of a cook.
There aren’t a lot of cute little jokes in this story. Suffice it to say, he showed up empty-handed and after dinner told me he was a Republican, due to his overriding believe in lower taxes.
I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again. (Although I still showed him my favorite horror movie.)
I’m not going to be writing a list on Match, but if I were, it would include “Don’t go to a woman’s house for the first time without bringing wine or flowers or something.” And don’t contact someone when you know you’re not what she’s looking for.
Tomorrow, I’m going to lunch with a man who may be a complete whack-job. Stay tuned for more adventures.
Tuesday, July 23, 2019
Learning the Rules
“Seven o’clock?” my friend Dee said. “That is late for a happy hour. That’s his way of getting out of having to buy you dinner. Next time, ask if you should eat first.”
Dee’s been divorced for years, and moved to St. Pete about three years ago. She’s been one of my friends tutoring me in the fine art of internet dating.
Too bad for Steve that I hadn’t talked to her before meeting him. I’d come straight from a late work meeting, and I was starving. We talked for two hours, and he ended up paying for my non-happy-hour-priced drink and appetizer. When I’d asked if he were hungry, he’d told me that he’d already eaten. He seemed magnanimous about picking up the check – for a date that he’d initiated – but made it clear the next one would be on me.
There’s not going to be a next one. Even though he walked me back to the parking garage, holding my hand, gave me a peck on the lips and exchanged phone numbers with me, I haven’t heard from him. Maybe there’s a rule that the woman always initiates contact after the first meeting, but if there is one, I haven’t heard it. In any case, I’m relieved. I really don’t want to go out with him again, but I also don’t want to blow him off to his face. Much easier to pretend there will be another meeting while not actually setting one up. He’s cute, but he lives all the way in Clearwater. I spend too much time in my car as it is; driving to people’s houses all over Pinellas County as part of my in-house sales job. A guy has to be amazing for me to look for love outside to St. Pete.
I’ve been dating for less than a year; have had two relationships since the divorce. At first, I was eager to meet new men and enjoyed surfing the sites. I went out with my first “boyfriend” three times before I felt a spark of attraction, so I thought I owed it to myself to give decent guys more than one chance.
Then I met a guy to whom I felt an immediate attraction, and then spent months trying to make a relationship work when we had nothing else in common.
Now, even though I’m looking for my next relationship, I’m looking for reasons not to date. They include:
Lives too far away
Votes Republican
Too much younger than me (granted, I don’t run into this too often)
Too much older than me
Look like they’re older than me
Didn’t graduate college
Never married
Married too often
Didn’t have kids
Has too many kids
Not physically active
Too physically active
Doesn’t like TV
Watches too much TV
Talks too much
Doesn’t talk enough.
So you can see, this might be a problem.
Maybe the problem is me.
Dee’s been divorced for years, and moved to St. Pete about three years ago. She’s been one of my friends tutoring me in the fine art of internet dating.
Too bad for Steve that I hadn’t talked to her before meeting him. I’d come straight from a late work meeting, and I was starving. We talked for two hours, and he ended up paying for my non-happy-hour-priced drink and appetizer. When I’d asked if he were hungry, he’d told me that he’d already eaten. He seemed magnanimous about picking up the check – for a date that he’d initiated – but made it clear the next one would be on me.
There’s not going to be a next one. Even though he walked me back to the parking garage, holding my hand, gave me a peck on the lips and exchanged phone numbers with me, I haven’t heard from him. Maybe there’s a rule that the woman always initiates contact after the first meeting, but if there is one, I haven’t heard it. In any case, I’m relieved. I really don’t want to go out with him again, but I also don’t want to blow him off to his face. Much easier to pretend there will be another meeting while not actually setting one up. He’s cute, but he lives all the way in Clearwater. I spend too much time in my car as it is; driving to people’s houses all over Pinellas County as part of my in-house sales job. A guy has to be amazing for me to look for love outside to St. Pete.
I’ve been dating for less than a year; have had two relationships since the divorce. At first, I was eager to meet new men and enjoyed surfing the sites. I went out with my first “boyfriend” three times before I felt a spark of attraction, so I thought I owed it to myself to give decent guys more than one chance.
Then I met a guy to whom I felt an immediate attraction, and then spent months trying to make a relationship work when we had nothing else in common.
Now, even though I’m looking for my next relationship, I’m looking for reasons not to date. They include:
Lives too far away
Votes Republican
Too much younger than me (granted, I don’t run into this too often)
Too much older than me
Look like they’re older than me
Didn’t graduate college
Never married
Married too often
Didn’t have kids
Has too many kids
Not physically active
Too physically active
Doesn’t like TV
Watches too much TV
Talks too much
Doesn’t talk enough.
So you can see, this might be a problem.
Maybe the problem is me.
Tuesday, July 16, 2019
Unveiling "Dating in Paradise!"
I began this blog in the summer of 2012, right after my husband and I moved to Florida. At the time, I called it “my year on vacation;” we had rented the house for a year, and I honestly didn’t believe we’d be staying much longer than that. I left boxes unpacked. I viewed my new friendships as temporary. I thought a return to Maryland – the D.C. suburbs, with serious jobs and serious people – would happen in 2013.
Instead, we bought a house on St. Pete Beach; our son moved in with us for a year while he attended the local community college, and we became Floridians. I got my real estate license and doubled down on my writing. I was no longer on vacation; I renamed my blog “Writer in Paradise” and focused my posts mainly on writerly concerns. (It wasn’t until much later that I learned about the local writers’ conference, “Writers in Paradise.” I didn’t mean to steal its name!)
Last year, I had another huge upheaval in my life. My husband of nearly 28 years decided he didn’t want to be married anymore, and six weeks later we were divorced. Tom and I had met when I was 21, right out of college. Although I had dated a bit while I was in school, those days were long behind me. While divorce is sad and change is hard, it’s also catapulted me into a completely different life. I’m still writing, still pursuing my dream of being traditionally published. I’ve taken an additional sales job in addition to real estate to make sure I’m getting out of the house on a regular basis.
And I’m dating. Not meeting men through mutual friends, or work, or hobbies. I’m going on dates with men I’m meeting through dating apps. I tried OKCupid for a while; Bumble never really worked for me. I’m not looking for casual hook-ups, so I never logged into Tinder. Hinge got me a lot of men my son’s age, which was too creepy for words. So for now, I’ve settled on Match and Plenty of Fish. I’m paying for my Match account; I’m not upgrading with POF.
It’s an adventure. Too much of an adventure to keep to myself. So I’m refocusing my blog to share those stories. While I’m still a writer in paradise, my blog will be centered around dating in paradise. Ride shotgun on my adventure as I peruse the profiles of men holding giant fish and sitting astride motorcycles. Roll your eyes as I’m dumped by a guy who’d rather be with a Scientologist. Sympathize with me as I get pleading emails from 70-year-old men who live 70 miles away.
Florida Man is on Match, and his tattoos have their own photos.
Dating after 50 in Florida is not for the faint of heart. Or for those who don’t have a sense of humor. Or a Lyft account.
Join me!
Instead, we bought a house on St. Pete Beach; our son moved in with us for a year while he attended the local community college, and we became Floridians. I got my real estate license and doubled down on my writing. I was no longer on vacation; I renamed my blog “Writer in Paradise” and focused my posts mainly on writerly concerns. (It wasn’t until much later that I learned about the local writers’ conference, “Writers in Paradise.” I didn’t mean to steal its name!)
Last year, I had another huge upheaval in my life. My husband of nearly 28 years decided he didn’t want to be married anymore, and six weeks later we were divorced. Tom and I had met when I was 21, right out of college. Although I had dated a bit while I was in school, those days were long behind me. While divorce is sad and change is hard, it’s also catapulted me into a completely different life. I’m still writing, still pursuing my dream of being traditionally published. I’ve taken an additional sales job in addition to real estate to make sure I’m getting out of the house on a regular basis.
And I’m dating. Not meeting men through mutual friends, or work, or hobbies. I’m going on dates with men I’m meeting through dating apps. I tried OKCupid for a while; Bumble never really worked for me. I’m not looking for casual hook-ups, so I never logged into Tinder. Hinge got me a lot of men my son’s age, which was too creepy for words. So for now, I’ve settled on Match and Plenty of Fish. I’m paying for my Match account; I’m not upgrading with POF.
It’s an adventure. Too much of an adventure to keep to myself. So I’m refocusing my blog to share those stories. While I’m still a writer in paradise, my blog will be centered around dating in paradise. Ride shotgun on my adventure as I peruse the profiles of men holding giant fish and sitting astride motorcycles. Roll your eyes as I’m dumped by a guy who’d rather be with a Scientologist. Sympathize with me as I get pleading emails from 70-year-old men who live 70 miles away.
Florida Man is on Match, and his tattoos have their own photos.
Dating after 50 in Florida is not for the faint of heart. Or for those who don’t have a sense of humor. Or a Lyft account.
Join me!
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