Your friend is a Realtor. Should your friend be your Realtor?

Recently, two separate advice columnists I follow both had letters dealing with hurt feelings after friends and family members chose another real estate agent. The first letter writer was upset that her friend, a Realtor, was giving her the cold shoulder after she chose to list her house with someone else. The second writer was angry that his family members were not using his stepson for their real estate needs. In both cases, the columnists brushed off the concerns, asserting that no one should be forced to use a certain real estate agent, even if they were a friend or family member.

Of course no one should ever feel forced to use a certain agent, but these columnists are not real estate agents, and I am. I’ve been an agent for eight years and have closed many complex deals and handled some ridiculous situations. And still, the most difficult part of being an agent is getting new clients. Real estate is an industry where 90 percent of the business goes to 10 percent of agents. Breaking in is very hard; staying in is really tough, and making a living from real estate is almost impossible.

So when friends choose to work with someone else—a stranger who is part of that 10 percent—it hurts.

And yet, the purchase and/or sale of a house represents the biggest financial transaction in most people’s lives. It’s no wonder that many people would want to cast the widest possible net in order to get the most savvy representative in town. And even if the best real estate agent happens to be your next door neighbor, sometimes it’s hard to see a friend as the professional advisor who can get you the best deal and smoothest transaction. At the same time, who’s better than a good friend to hold your hand during one of the most stressful life changes that people go through? A friend whom you can trust to have your best interests at heart, not her next paycheck?

Here's how to determine if your friend is the right person to hire… and what to do if she’s not.

Hire her if:

 She’s been in the business for a little while. She’s got a few deals under her belt; some of them complicated. She’s told you stories… they’re unbelievable! … but she got her clients through the hard part.

 She has her license at a well-known brokerage that provides her with plenty of support. No realtor has all the answers when things get weird, but a realtor at a large company will have brokers, lawyers, and other folks on hand to help you out if things get sticky. If she’s been in real estate for a decade or so, she might have all the support she needs from a smaller brokerage.

 She’s consistent, punctual, and rarely cancels plans… unless it’s due to a client emergency! Real estate is not only about taking pretty pictures of houses. It’s about meeting deadlines and knowing every word of the contract. If she’s reliable in her personal life, chances are she’ll be reliable when representing you.

 She always has her phone close at hand… and she’s up-to-date on the latest social apps. Sure, this is annoying when you’re out to brunch and she keeps getting texts… but in real estate, when things turn on a dime, you want a realtor who’s always available. And those social apps are going to help you sell your house and find your next one!

And if your friend doesn’t meet these criteria? What if she’s brand-new to real estate, has another job that leaves her little time to show houses, or just isn’t reliable? There are still ways to support her and her real estate career without putting your financial future in her hands.
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 Ask her to team up with another Realtor in her brokerage. Inexperienced Realtors do this all the time. This way, she gets the credit for your sale, and you get the assurance that an experienced Realtor will be overseeing the entire transaction.

 See if she can refer you to another Realtor. If your friend doesn’t live in the town where you wish to buy or sell, this is an easy solution that will allow her to remain updated about your transaction and receive a fee from the referral.

 Split the transaction. If you feel comfortable having her list your property but not as a buyer’s agent, explain your reasons why and let her do half. Or give her a chance to prove herself on the listing before committing to the buyer’s side.

 Offer the home as a For Sale By Owner, and let your friend handle any unagented buyers that come along. You can save some money and help her grow her business at the same time.

No matter how you handle the situation, please don’t ask your friend for a discount for her services. If she’s helping you as a buyer, her commission is set by the seller. And if you’re listing the property with her, remember that cut-rate services won’t help attract buyers.

Buying a home, selling your home, or both can be some of the most stressful times of a person’s life. Why not hire a good friend to help you through it? But if you determine your friend isn’t the right person for the job, be honest and let her know why. It might be that the wrong person for your Realtor isn’t the right person to be your friend, either.