A few months ago, fresh off my latest break-up, I began chatting with a guy on Match. The conversation went so well online, I asked if he wanted to meet me in a half-hour at the local wine bar. There we talked for another few hours. The chemistry was great. I told him I had jumped into my last relationship much too quickly, and was determined not to do that again. He called when I got home. Since we had a few people in common, we became Facebook friends – something I never do after just a first meeting. But it seemed like we were destined for something good, if not a romance, at least a strong friendship.
We went on two more dates that week, meeting up at First Friday and having dinner, and then brunch on Sunday. He went out of town for work, but texted me every morning. “Good morning.”
Just good morning. I’d get these texts every day, but no plans for anything else. Then slowly I realized that all our in-person meetings had been initiated by me.
When Father’s Day weekend passed without seeing him, I rationalized it as he had a visiting child in town. The texts came less frequently, but when he said he missed me, I proposed a Saturday night date. (He’d been out of town with work every week.)
On Facebook, he started complaining he was sick. So I wasn’t surprised when I checked in with him Saturday morning to hear that he was too sick to go out. He was really disappointed at not seeing me, but what he had was awful and he didn’t want to risk giving it to me.
No worries. I had an early dinner with a friend and then went home, thinking it was going to rain. It didn’t.
I checked Facebook around ten. He had also been on Facebook – to check in to a local downtown hot spot, along with the people we had in common.
It was middle school all over again. It was Marcia “something suddenly came up” Brady. My cheeks literally burned as I read this casual update, thinking about what an idiot I was. Being left out by the cool kids. Maybe they were laughing at me.
I should have unfriended him right then and there. Instead, I updated my own status: “Should have gone out tonight. Everyone’s checking in to fun places.” And waited for an apology that never came.
I never heard from him directly again. (He liked a few of my posts and asked me about a movie I’d checked into; I didn’t answer that.)
That was three months ago. I got over it, of course, but remained disappointed that what I thought was going to be a great connection turned out to be a dud; that who I thought was a great guy was just another phony.
I didn’t unfriend him. I should have.
Yesterday he started posting vacation pictures with his girlfriend.
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