“I think I’m pretty easy to get along with. I think it’s because I like to listen just as much as I like to talk. People find it easy to communicate with me and I think that’s a big reason why.”
Match has a section for people to describe themselves “in their own words.” I have a hunch that they also provide templates to those who don’t know enough about themselves to do it, because I find the previous description crops up over and over again.
Match must also give people suggestions for a bucket list, because is it really possible that so many people want to ride in hot air balloons before they die?
Here’s a message I got on Plenty of Fish over the weekend: “A committed Democrat! Well now, committed is a pretty good word for it! I can overlook quite a bit for a nice smile. 😊 Especially since I really don’t like wasting my time with politics.” No, I did not respond. But I did read his profile, which earned me another message from him: “caught my favorite crazy democrat looking say hi.”
It’s scary out here in dating land. Although the snarky part of me wanted to reply with, “I don’t like wasting my time with assholes,” it’s safer just to not reply at all.
Speaking of Plenty of Fish, they appear to have added a new feature in which they message you with “It’s a match!” and a link to someone’s profile, which implies that you’ve already liked this person. I fell for it twice before I realized there was no way in hell I would have liked someone who dropped out of high school who lives on the other side of the bay. Thanks a lot, POF.
New message! Just “H” Didn’t even take the time to completely spell out “Hi.” Wow.
Why am I doing this again? The new TV season has started!
Tuesday, September 24, 2019
Tuesday, September 17, 2019
With Friends Like These…
A few months ago, fresh off my latest break-up, I began chatting with a guy on Match. The conversation went so well online, I asked if he wanted to meet me in a half-hour at the local wine bar. There we talked for another few hours. The chemistry was great. I told him I had jumped into my last relationship much too quickly, and was determined not to do that again. He called when I got home. Since we had a few people in common, we became Facebook friends – something I never do after just a first meeting. But it seemed like we were destined for something good, if not a romance, at least a strong friendship.
We went on two more dates that week, meeting up at First Friday and having dinner, and then brunch on Sunday. He went out of town for work, but texted me every morning. “Good morning.”
Just good morning. I’d get these texts every day, but no plans for anything else. Then slowly I realized that all our in-person meetings had been initiated by me.
When Father’s Day weekend passed without seeing him, I rationalized it as he had a visiting child in town. The texts came less frequently, but when he said he missed me, I proposed a Saturday night date. (He’d been out of town with work every week.)
On Facebook, he started complaining he was sick. So I wasn’t surprised when I checked in with him Saturday morning to hear that he was too sick to go out. He was really disappointed at not seeing me, but what he had was awful and he didn’t want to risk giving it to me.
No worries. I had an early dinner with a friend and then went home, thinking it was going to rain. It didn’t.
I checked Facebook around ten. He had also been on Facebook – to check in to a local downtown hot spot, along with the people we had in common.
It was middle school all over again. It was Marcia “something suddenly came up” Brady. My cheeks literally burned as I read this casual update, thinking about what an idiot I was. Being left out by the cool kids. Maybe they were laughing at me.
I should have unfriended him right then and there. Instead, I updated my own status: “Should have gone out tonight. Everyone’s checking in to fun places.” And waited for an apology that never came.
I never heard from him directly again. (He liked a few of my posts and asked me about a movie I’d checked into; I didn’t answer that.)
That was three months ago. I got over it, of course, but remained disappointed that what I thought was going to be a great connection turned out to be a dud; that who I thought was a great guy was just another phony.
I didn’t unfriend him. I should have.
Yesterday he started posting vacation pictures with his girlfriend.
We went on two more dates that week, meeting up at First Friday and having dinner, and then brunch on Sunday. He went out of town for work, but texted me every morning. “Good morning.”
Just good morning. I’d get these texts every day, but no plans for anything else. Then slowly I realized that all our in-person meetings had been initiated by me.
When Father’s Day weekend passed without seeing him, I rationalized it as he had a visiting child in town. The texts came less frequently, but when he said he missed me, I proposed a Saturday night date. (He’d been out of town with work every week.)
On Facebook, he started complaining he was sick. So I wasn’t surprised when I checked in with him Saturday morning to hear that he was too sick to go out. He was really disappointed at not seeing me, but what he had was awful and he didn’t want to risk giving it to me.
No worries. I had an early dinner with a friend and then went home, thinking it was going to rain. It didn’t.
I checked Facebook around ten. He had also been on Facebook – to check in to a local downtown hot spot, along with the people we had in common.
It was middle school all over again. It was Marcia “something suddenly came up” Brady. My cheeks literally burned as I read this casual update, thinking about what an idiot I was. Being left out by the cool kids. Maybe they were laughing at me.
I should have unfriended him right then and there. Instead, I updated my own status: “Should have gone out tonight. Everyone’s checking in to fun places.” And waited for an apology that never came.
I never heard from him directly again. (He liked a few of my posts and asked me about a movie I’d checked into; I didn’t answer that.)
That was three months ago. I got over it, of course, but remained disappointed that what I thought was going to be a great connection turned out to be a dud; that who I thought was a great guy was just another phony.
I didn’t unfriend him. I should have.
Yesterday he started posting vacation pictures with his girlfriend.
Thursday, September 12, 2019
Is there anybody out there?
This morning I woke up to four new “likes” on Match. No messages, just likes. One was from a guy I’d met at a meet-up a year ago and repeatedly rejected. The other three weren’t what I was looking for, either.
The culture of on-line dating seems to be that if you get a like or a message from someone you’re not interested in, just ignore it. That’s what I do. Yet I sent a message to a guy last week who messaged me back that he had met someone, forgot to hide his profile on OKCupid, and only liked to date one woman at a time. I appreciated that. Still, I can’t imagine any guy would like to get my message, which would be something along the lines of, “I specifically said I’m looking for a Democrat around my age that lives in St. Pete. Did you even bother to read my profile, or do you honestly believe that a 65-year-old conservative who lives in New Port Richey is close enough?”
It’s hard. You send a like or a message, and you never hear anything back. You don’t know if he got the message and isn’t interested, or if he got it, meant to reply, and then forgot, or just isn’t active on the site anymore. If you pay for the site, you see likes and messages; some services let people join for free but don’t let them see “likes.” Most daters will mention in their profiles whether they can see likes, but sometimes people don’t update when their subscriptions expire.
If you’re paying for Match, Match will let you take a look at who’s viewed your profile. It’s a good way to see everyone who’s checked you out but didn’t find you attractive enough to like you back. A few minutes ago, one of those inappropriate likes sent me a message thanking me for checking out his profile. Obviously he didn’t realize that since I didn’t like him back, he wasn’t going to hear from me.
I always check to see who’s viewed me. A lot of the guys I’ve liked aren’t on that list. Are they still on the site? Or is my Match profile picture so bad they don’t bother clicking on my profile?
Is there anybody out there?
Match sends its members suggested matches every day. It doesn’t bother weeding out folks you’ve already liked or messaged. That can lead to accidental stalking; repeatedly liking the same person without realizing it. Yesterday I liked a guy enough to want to send him a message. When I clicked on the message icon, my old message came up... the one he’d never replied to. Yikes.
OKCupid spares its members this embarrassment. After you like or message someone, they hide their profile from you. You can erase them from your mind until you’re lucky enough to hear from them. A few weeks ago, I messaged a guy who’d liked me a year ago. Turns out I was wise to ignore him the first time around, and I’m sure he didn’t spend that year pining after me, but it gives the decision to the pursued, not the pursuer.
I’ve stumbled across many profiles in which men lecture women on how they should behave online or on dates. I think this is misogynistic behavior, but I understand the impulse. My profile would be a diatribe on what not to do, if I gave into my lesser angels.
But with all its drawbacks, online dating does have one obvious benefit going for it: knowing that the person on the site is interested in dating. The most interesting men I’ve met lately, I’ve met in real life. And I have no idea what their status is.
The culture of on-line dating seems to be that if you get a like or a message from someone you’re not interested in, just ignore it. That’s what I do. Yet I sent a message to a guy last week who messaged me back that he had met someone, forgot to hide his profile on OKCupid, and only liked to date one woman at a time. I appreciated that. Still, I can’t imagine any guy would like to get my message, which would be something along the lines of, “I specifically said I’m looking for a Democrat around my age that lives in St. Pete. Did you even bother to read my profile, or do you honestly believe that a 65-year-old conservative who lives in New Port Richey is close enough?”
It’s hard. You send a like or a message, and you never hear anything back. You don’t know if he got the message and isn’t interested, or if he got it, meant to reply, and then forgot, or just isn’t active on the site anymore. If you pay for the site, you see likes and messages; some services let people join for free but don’t let them see “likes.” Most daters will mention in their profiles whether they can see likes, but sometimes people don’t update when their subscriptions expire.
If you’re paying for Match, Match will let you take a look at who’s viewed your profile. It’s a good way to see everyone who’s checked you out but didn’t find you attractive enough to like you back. A few minutes ago, one of those inappropriate likes sent me a message thanking me for checking out his profile. Obviously he didn’t realize that since I didn’t like him back, he wasn’t going to hear from me.
I always check to see who’s viewed me. A lot of the guys I’ve liked aren’t on that list. Are they still on the site? Or is my Match profile picture so bad they don’t bother clicking on my profile?
Is there anybody out there?
Match sends its members suggested matches every day. It doesn’t bother weeding out folks you’ve already liked or messaged. That can lead to accidental stalking; repeatedly liking the same person without realizing it. Yesterday I liked a guy enough to want to send him a message. When I clicked on the message icon, my old message came up... the one he’d never replied to. Yikes.
OKCupid spares its members this embarrassment. After you like or message someone, they hide their profile from you. You can erase them from your mind until you’re lucky enough to hear from them. A few weeks ago, I messaged a guy who’d liked me a year ago. Turns out I was wise to ignore him the first time around, and I’m sure he didn’t spend that year pining after me, but it gives the decision to the pursued, not the pursuer.
I’ve stumbled across many profiles in which men lecture women on how they should behave online or on dates. I think this is misogynistic behavior, but I understand the impulse. My profile would be a diatribe on what not to do, if I gave into my lesser angels.
But with all its drawbacks, online dating does have one obvious benefit going for it: knowing that the person on the site is interested in dating. The most interesting men I’ve met lately, I’ve met in real life. And I have no idea what their status is.
Tuesday, September 3, 2019
You Can’t Always Get What You Want
… but sometimes you get what you need.
And sometimes you get nothing!
I’m being very specific on my search. I want a guy who lives in or close to my town, who’s politically progressive and close to my age. I spell out all this and more in my profile.
So yesterday I was excited when I got a “like” from a guy who fit that bill. And his profile was very well-written, which I consider a good proxy for intelligence. We texted back and forth all day.
Then this morning he casually drops that he’s sick of the traffic on the way to his job, so he’s moving closer to it. So out of my city and to the nearest big city, which is a good 30 miles or so and across a major bridge. “Would you consider dating someone who lived there?”
Of course not! It says in my profile that I’m dating in town and not crossing that bridge. Good luck to you.
Why would someone look for matches in City A when they’re planning to move to City B? Why not just wait until the move to City B is complete, and then search there? Does logic go out the window when it comes to looking for love online?
I wish he'd been as upfront as the profile I got from a guy who told the world that he was a “little person,” so his match needed to comfortable dating a midget? (His words, not mine.) Thank you for not hiding that! (Although that guy’s pictures were all of him sitting down, so if you didn’t read the profile, you might be in for a surprise.)
Dating 0, Staying home and watching old Grey’s Anatomy 1.
And sometimes you get nothing!
I’m being very specific on my search. I want a guy who lives in or close to my town, who’s politically progressive and close to my age. I spell out all this and more in my profile.
So yesterday I was excited when I got a “like” from a guy who fit that bill. And his profile was very well-written, which I consider a good proxy for intelligence. We texted back and forth all day.
Then this morning he casually drops that he’s sick of the traffic on the way to his job, so he’s moving closer to it. So out of my city and to the nearest big city, which is a good 30 miles or so and across a major bridge. “Would you consider dating someone who lived there?”
Of course not! It says in my profile that I’m dating in town and not crossing that bridge. Good luck to you.
Why would someone look for matches in City A when they’re planning to move to City B? Why not just wait until the move to City B is complete, and then search there? Does logic go out the window when it comes to looking for love online?
I wish he'd been as upfront as the profile I got from a guy who told the world that he was a “little person,” so his match needed to comfortable dating a midget? (His words, not mine.) Thank you for not hiding that! (Although that guy’s pictures were all of him sitting down, so if you didn’t read the profile, you might be in for a surprise.)
Dating 0, Staying home and watching old Grey’s Anatomy 1.
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